katleept

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Title: Good Form
Author: Kat Lee
Characters/Pairing: Hook, Hook/Emma
Rating: PG/K+
Word Count: 1,464
Warnings: Het, Angst, SPOILERS for New York City Serenade
Summary: He knows his actions are not always based on good form, although he tries to live his life by that one edict.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners, not the author.

He knows, before they ever land back in the Enchanted Forest, before the magic ever touches him, that he's not staying with these heroes. He's stayed far longer than he should, and there's only one reason why he's still here, one reason that's been taken from him now. He wastes no time in getting his bearings once they've moved nor in claiming and saddling a horse. The animal might belong to some one else, but he doesn't care nor should he. He is, after all, a Pirate, and it's past time he got back to being who and what he is.

He never asked to be a Pirate, but he also didn't get given much choice. His brother was taken from him. He lost the only family he ever had to the King's bloody crown, and he'll not lose any more. He refuses to admit he already has.

He thinks he's going to make a clean getaway until he feels the well-trained eyes of no other than the Princess Snow White watching him. There's none as pure as she is nor as good-hearted. The tales of the Princess with skin as white as snow and hair as black as night even managed to reach Never Land, although how he's not exactly sure. He quickens his step, determined to be gone before she reaches him, but doesn't quite succeed.

There's sorrow in her eyes when she finds out he's leaving, but he doesn't, for one second, mistake it to be because of his impending departure. He knows the reason she's so sad, and he doesn't blame the lass. After all, the absence of that same fair creature is also eating away at him.

Would he leave if she was still here? He knows he wouldn't, but no matter what the Princess and her Prince say, he knows he's making the right choice. It won't do for him to stay with them. It won't do at all for him to keep pretending to be something he's not when the most special treasure he's ever found has been taken from them all forever.

He must practice good form. His brother taught him that, and without that, he has nothing. Without that, he is nothing but a scared and grieving boy trying to be a man. He shakes that thought forcibly from his mind. He is no longer a child or a soldier. He no longer belongs to any one but himself. He is his own Captain, and his future rests at sea, not here in this magical forest with these landlubbers.

He rides swiftly away, but all the while, he's not fooled by his actions. He knows the real reason he's leaving. He can't stay in a place where every moment of every day there will be something to remind him of what he can not have, of the fourth person to be taken from him, of the only person besides his parents, his brother, and himself whom he's ever loved. He has to put as much distance between himself and Emma's parents as possible.

He has to keep his head up. He has to stay straight and ride high in his saddle. He has to keep his head up. He can't look back. He can't go back. He can't return to a place that won't exist for another few hundred years or so to claim the hand of a woman who didn't have enough time to learn to love him.

He can not cry for her absence. He should not hurt as much as he's hurting now. Good form, mate, he keeps reminding himself over and over again. Good form. And yet, by the time he reaches the sea, he can not see her beauty for the tears filling his dark and misty eyes of grief for another beauty he knows he'll never see again.

Good form. He stands straight and tall as he commandeers a ship. He shows no fear as he defeats her Captain and crew. He sails out, pushing away from the land that holds nothing but pain for him without a second thought and without a crew. It's a foolhardy job to try, taking on all the tasks that is required to sail a ship such as she by himself, but it is a task for which he tells himself he's well prepared.

Good form. He's a hundred miles from the shore and still gaining speed. Good form. He looks back. He left the others long ago. There's nothing to remind him of Emma, but his heart needs no encouragement. Good form. The sea is again becoming blurred to his gaze. Good form. The cries of the seagulls don't quite block out her voice in his memory.

Good form. He never thought he'd hurt this much again. Good form. Losing his brother should have been enough sorrow for him to have to endure for his entire lifetime. Good form. But pain seems to haunt his every step no matter where he goes or what he does. Good form. No matter how hard he tries to be a hero for some one, grief always finds him.

Good form. He's out in the middle of the ocean now. Good form. No one can see him. Good form. No one can see his stoic appearance falter, his charming smile disappear. Good form. No one can see him. He looks wildly around through the tears he's trying to bat away. No one knows how much he's hurting. He'll never see Emma again.

Even if his good form had been enough to win her heart, it wouldn't matter now. She and Henry are long gone. They don't even remember him, but Hook knows he'll always remember them, especially her. He's never met a woman with so much fire and beauty. He's never met some one who touched him so deeply in such a short time. He looks around him again. He is alone with only his new ship and the sea for company.

His eyelashes flutter as he tries to bat away his tears again, but this time, they won't be deterred. There's no one to impress, no one to think less of him for allowing his emotions to reign. There's no one in front of whom to practice his cherished good form. He reminds himself again of the need for it, recalls his brother's lessons once more, grieves again for him and for her, and accepts, at last, that he is utterly and completely alone.

The Pirate hangs his head. Sunlight gleams on his gold earring as he sobs quietly. His tears fall swiftly, surely, and silently not just for his brother whose presence and lessons accompany him every step of every journey he makes but for another, one he never expected to find, one who shouldn't have been able to touch him so deeply. Good form dictated that neither a Pirate nor a soldier should fall in love with one so far above their station, but as he sails alone, for a few minutes or perhaps for a few hours (he's lost all track of time and doesn't care to follow it), James forgets that he is both and yet neither. For now, he is only a man, a man grieving for a love taken from him far too soon.

He grieves for the rest of the day and into the night, as well. His grief and sorrow follow him even when he finally stops crying and dries his face and mustache. Tucked safely away into his heart and in his memory is no longer just his brother but the woman for whom he still longs, as well, a woman whose name he doesn't speak until he hears the news many, many days from that first lonely day without her. "Emma."

It should be terrible news that her parents have been cursed. It should be horrible news that whatever is happening is so terrible that the Evil Queen has sent a message pleading for him to find Emma. It should be worse news when the bird arrives shortly thereafter with quite nearly the same message from Snow White. He should be afraid for Emma's family. Good form would dictate that he do everything he can to rescue them while being worried for them.

Yet he finds it almost impossible to worry. He can't help grinning as he turns his ship around in the waters. "Emma." Just speaking her name feels like a caress to his lips and tongue. "Emma." He grins into the golden sunset, mouth full of white, sharp teeth, dark eyes glistening with and full of hope, and his heart bursting with joy. Emma, I'm coming to get you! To Hell with good form; he was going to get his Princess, after all!

The End

Title: The Wolf Within
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: Once Upon A Time
Characters/Pairing: Red, Red/Snow, Granny
Rating: R/M
Word Count: 1,587
Warnings: Femme Slash
Summary: She can never forget.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their rightful owners, not the author.

She can never escape what she is. She's reminded of her inner beast all throughout the day and night, no matter where she is or what she's doing. Granny tells her to focus on her works and seems to actually believe that serving at a little diner in a small town full of fairy tale creatures come to life in mortal forms in a modern world should actually be enough to distract her from her problems. She loves her grandmother, and although she'll never tell her, the old woman is often right. She's right on a lot of things, more than she cares to admit even silently, but Red knows she's not right on this.

No matter how loud the diner is, no matter who's there or what the cause of their celebration or just plain getting drunk, she can still hear sounds that makes the wolf stir within her. She hears every one of their hearts beating separately. She hears them breathing sometimes easily, sometimes labored. She hears their blood rushing around in their bodies, and the sound alone is enough to make her want to lick her lips with anticipation of what those crimson rivers of succulence would taste like going down her throat.

It's too easy to get caught up in the sounds in the diner, but she's found a way to distract herself. When the sounds of thumping hearts and pumping blood streams get to be too much, she slips off to the back, grabs food from the freezer, and devours the raw flesh. Granny complains about the mysterious shortages of meat, but she doesn't understand. No one understands just how hungry her wolf is and how desperately she needs to keep it under control.

The sounds aren't the only thing in the diner that activates her wolf. She can smell them, too, each person, each morsel of food as the wolf likes to think of them. Even her friends have intoxicating scents. Belle smells like vanilla and cinnamon. Ashley always wears delightful perfumes, but beneath the perfumes, there's a light smell of cheese and ashes. Ruby guesses the scent lingers from her days as Cinderella, spent cleaning for her stepmother and sisters and foraging cheese, whenever and wherever possible, for her mouse friends. Charming has a husky and very masculine scent; his is an aroma that Ruby, both as a woman and a wolf, has liked to indulge in in the past.

But none of them smell like Snow White. Even when she was only Mary Margaret, she had a very earthy smell. It reminds Ruby now of the forest back home and of all the things they used to do behind trees and in bushes, on the shores of the river, and underneath the full moon. She wonders often if Snow remembers any of those special times but hasn't dared to ask her. After all, she knows her heart was never hers.

How could it be? Even if Snow hadn't been in love with Charming, Red is so far beneath her. She's a wolf, a wild beast, and Snow knows that well. She knows it from the way Ruby used to devour her flesh in the full and silver moonlight. She knows it from the way her teeth tore off her buttons and her claws ripped apart her blouses. She knows it from the way her tongue thrust into her, so hungry, wet, and wild . . .

Red feels her eyes flash. She feels the hunger gnawing within her as she watches Mary Margaret, Snow White, or whatever she's choosing to call herself today laughing and talking innocently with her family. She turns and almost runs for the kitchen.

"Table B1 needs . . . "

She barely hears Granny talking to her, but the look she gives her is enough to stop the old woman in mid-sentence. She knows her wolf is coming out. Her eyes are red, her fangs bared. She rushes into the kitchen, throws open the door to the freezer, and starts to eat even while being blasted with cold air. She tells herself time and again she has to calm down. She has to control her beast before it is truly unleashed and hurts some one, before it kills instead of merely ravages her best friend.

It isn't until she's eaten several packages of raw hamburger and some steaks and her fingers are starting to pale that she finally begins to think clearly. Granny, she thinks again, just doesn't know what it's like to be a young wolf in a diner so full of scents and sounds and tasty, tasty people. She doesn't know what it's like to be a young wolf at all, especially one whose heart is taken by a Princess whom she can never have.

She pants, leans into the open fridge, rests her dark head against the top of the door, and closes her eyes for a moment. Her own heart is pounding, and she wonders. She wonders how she could have ever forgotten what she is. She wonders what she used to do on full moon nights and fears that she may well have killed a person or more on those nights. After all, how does a wolf stop being what she is?

Her heart beats; her blood pounds. Try as she might, she can't remember a single one of those nights before the curse was lifted. Could Regina's magicks have been strong enough to prevent the wolf from coming out, and if they weren't . . . Did she kill some one? More than one?

She gulps. Her eyes flash open. She stares at the packages of meat and frozen blood. It takes every bit of her self control to step back and shut the door. She has to leave some meat for their guests, after all.

"I knew it. That's coming out of your wages, young lady."

Ruby whirls around at the sound of her grandmother's voice. The old woman looks down her nose at her with a glare every bit as stern as the one she musters when she's wielding her crossbow. "Don't snarl at me, Little Red."

She doesn't know she snarled. Maybe she didn't, but she wouldn't be surprised if she had. Snow White is still just a few feet away from her, and her wolf still yearns to come out to play. Only its kind of play is far too dangerous, and Snow wouldn't want it even if it wasn't. She has her Prince now. She has no need of Ruby beyond simple friendship.

"I'm going out."

"Of course you are," Granny snaps. "We've got a diner full of hungry customers, and you -- " She sighs and harrumphs. "I'm talking to the wind." She pushes her glasses back on to the bridge of her nose. "Again."

She walks over to shut the door her granddaughter left hanging open, and as she pushes it closed, she's hear a wolf howl outside. She shakes her head. The young never learn in time. Ruby thinks she knows nothing of being a young wolf, but she knows more than the girl will ever let her share.

Not that she can really blame her. After all, when she had been young, she wouldn't listen to her grandmother either. She pauses by the fridge, grabs a sausage and devours it in a single nip, and finally proceeds about running her diner alone as she so often has to.

Snow White thinks she doesn't see her glance at the door when she comes out. Both girls think she doesn't know what happened between them, but she knows more than she'll ever tell. She sets about serving her customers with a smile, but still, she can hear her granddaughter outside, howling to the moon, howling with passion and for a love she thinks should be forgotten.

Even the wolf thinks the elders don't understand their young. She knows the girl within her thinks that not only her grandmother but on one can ever understand her. The human is only partially right. The wolf knows what happens in the days. She tastes the lingering scents of meat and has the same memories as the girl. She knows she's frustrated. She knows she never once forgets what she is, but the wolf also doesn't forget that she is human in the sunlight, too.

She doesn't forget that, and she doesn't forget the feel of human hands that once ran through her fur. She doesn't forget the adventures and love shared and romped once upon a time in the broad daylight. She doesn't forget that when she goes to sleep, the human will once more reign their body. She doesn't forget, and she also doesn't stop hoping for that one touch she felt once upon a time, for that one touch from another human who once reigned over her, for the human who can release her again if only she dares.

She howls again, and inside the diner, Snow White tries to pretend she doesn't hear the wolf outside. She tries to pretend she isn't worried for her friend, and she tries to forget the things she once did, the passions she once shared. Her husband picks up her hand and kisses it. She smiles fondly at him and tries to love him as once she loved another. She tries with all her heart to forget what she's done and who she was, but just like Ruby, she, too, can never forget the wolf that once was within.

The End

All of this is for a Once Upon A Land comm challenge. Tell them Kat Lee of Team Regina sent you if you join!