Some Jokes To Share

[katleept]

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.
Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:
"Cindy, you have sinned."





A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband walking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," he responed.
"Oh! kill any?" she asked.
"Yep! 3 males and 2 females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked him, "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone."







10. You're so tired, you now answer the phone with "Go to Hell."
9. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Stop asking me all these stupid questions!"
8. Your garbage can IS your "In" box.
7. You wake up to discover your house is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.
6. You consider a 40 hour week a vacation.
5. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
4. You don't set your alarm anymore because you know your pager will go off before your alarm does.
3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your ID badge.
2. Your Day Timer/Work Planner exploded a week ago.
1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.