The Woman He Deserves
Jan. 13th, 2015 01:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
katleeptWorking Title: The Woman He Deserves
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: Once Upon A Time
Character/Pairing: Outlaw Queen (Robin/Regina), slight Robin/Marian, Henry, Roland
Rating: PG/K+
Challenge:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fan_flashworks: #107: Burn
Warning(s): SPOILERS FOR SEASONS 3 and 4!
Word Count: 1,366
Summary:
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
She stared at the parchment, her anger slowly rising to a boiling point within her very soul as unshed tears burn her rich, brown eyes. She had known this would prove to be a mistake. She should never have looked in on Robin. She should have just let him go. He was doing the right thing. They were doing the right thing. She should have let that be enough.
But she couldn't. She had tried and tried to forget about him, but he was there in her mind every moment of every day. It was only in Henry's smile that she could forget him, and even then, it was only ever just for a moment. He had wanted her. He loved her. He chose her over Marian.
But just as she had told him before he left, that shouldn't matter. None of that should matter. What should matter was that Marian was his wife. Robin had always been a man of honor, and what kind of person was she to change the man she loved, to let him rid himself of that honor he had so prided himself upon just because she dared to love him?
Because she was stupid enough to love him. The tears that she had, until now, kept at bay began to slowly flow down Regina's cheeks. Robin was holding Roland now, and Marian was wrapping her arms around both the guys Regina loved. Yes, she had come to love Roland, too, and just as she wouldn't deprive Henry Emma, she would never try to keep a child from his mother.
Marian wasn't all bad. She remembered how she had been willing to step out of her way, or so she'd claimed. She'd said she wanted Robin to choose her, and if he didn't, if he chose Regina as he told her he would, she would bow out. She would let Regina have her husband, and surely that meant time with her child, as well. The woman wasn't all bad; she was actually a pretty good lady.
Better than Regina had been to her. Yes, she had saved her life twice, but she had done so out of selfish means. She hadn't wanted Marian's blood on her hands for two reasons. It wasn't that she didn't want to be rid of the twit. She didn't want Robin to see her kill his wife for that would surely stop whatever he did feel for her, and she didn't want to be evil any longer. She wanted to be good for Henry and for herself, for Robin and whatever future they might have been able to have together, if only he'd been able to stay.
But that was the crux of the matter, wasn't it? The man she loved, her second True Love, had been taken from her. He hadn't been killed. No, perhaps this was even worse in a way. He had done the honorable thing for the mother of his child and left to protect her, to save her, to keep his family together even though he wanted nothing more than to be with Regina. He'd even said he would let Roland go if it came to choosing between his son and his love.
He would let everything go, just to be with her. He would choose her above everything. He just wanted to be with her. He wanted to love her as badly as Regina wanted to be loved by him. But now, there was nothing either could do. He was Marian's, not because he had chosen her or because Regina had let her have him. In a way, she had, she admitted, but it was only to save her life. Roland needed his mother. His mother loved him, and he deserved to have her. They couldn't have gone out into modern society, into this new world so full of other dangers and strange, modern ways, without protection, and Roland also needed his father as badly as he needed his mother.
Worse, Regina thought, than she needed him even if, for the first time in a long time, he had made her feel like, as cliche as it was, a real woman. Tinker Bell had been right. She had shut herself off to love, and with the sole exception of Henry, Regina had forgotten how to love. She had forgotten how to feel. She had forgotten, for a long time, how to do anything but to survive and be cruel to get what she wanted.
Cruelty couldn't win this battle for if she had been cruel, if she had kept Robin for herself instead of insisting he go with his family, he would have eventually come to hate her. Perhaps he never would have held Marian against her, but surely he would have hated the fact that he would have had to release Roland to innumerable, unknown dangers rather than keep his son safe to be with her. She wasn't that good of a person. She didn't deserve him to make that choice. She didn't deserve him, and she certainly didn't deserve his love.
Perhaps that was the real reason why she had lost him. She had never been good enough to keep him. She had never been good enough to deserve him. She had never been good enough to have his love, and as silent tears rolled down the dark Queen's face, left alone in her crypt, she admitted at last to herself, she had never been good enough to keep his love or to have the happily ever after with him they both wanted.
It wasn't the writer's fault. It wasn't Robin's, Roland's, Emma's, or even Marian's -- although she still despised the woman -- fault. Even Snow White was not to blame. Nor was her mother. She could see it all clearly now. Every decision she had ever made, every act of cruelty she had taken, every life she had snuffed out like the flame of a candle, everything she'd ever done had led her here. She had twisted her own fate. She had destroyed her own life.
Marian's face turned up in the image on the enchanted parchment. Robin laughed as she smiled. Regina didn't know what had happened to make them so happy, but it didn't really matter. He was happy without her. He lived without her, and one day, too, he would love again without her.
It was all her fault. With an anguished cry, she threw the parchment away from her and slung a fireball after it. The fire engulfed it immediately and burned it to ashes swiftly. The ashes were just settling on the floor when a door she'd thought she'd locked opened. "Mom?" Henry called.
She started to try to compose herself. She starts to tell him to go away, not wanting him to see her like this, but suddenly, his arms are tight around her waist and he's hugging her as if again they face death together. Hesitantly, she puts her arms around the small child, who isn't quite so small any longer and who first changed everything for her.
"It's going to be okay, Mom," he promises her, voice muffled in the folds of her black dress. "It's going to be okay. We'll find them."
She thinks he means the writer, but she knows solving her problem, gaining that happily ever after for which she yearns so badly, will not be as simple as finding one man with a special quill. He really means Robin and Roland to make their family complete, but even if Regina had realized that, she would have known, too, that life still wasn't that simple. She had to atone for her mistakes. She had to fix her own being before she could fix her future. If she could learn to be the good woman he wanted her to be, if she could be truly the good mother he deserves, maybe then, she can also become the woman Robin deserves to love. She forcibly silences her tears. There will be plenty of time for more of those in the future, but for now, she just hugs her son and tries to be the woman he deserves.
The End
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: Once Upon A Time
Character/Pairing: Outlaw Queen (Robin/Regina), slight Robin/Marian, Henry, Roland
Rating: PG/K+
Challenge:
fan_flashworks: #107: BurnWarning(s): SPOILERS FOR SEASONS 3 and 4!
Word Count: 1,366
Summary:
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
She stared at the parchment, her anger slowly rising to a boiling point within her very soul as unshed tears burn her rich, brown eyes. She had known this would prove to be a mistake. She should never have looked in on Robin. She should have just let him go. He was doing the right thing. They were doing the right thing. She should have let that be enough.
But she couldn't. She had tried and tried to forget about him, but he was there in her mind every moment of every day. It was only in Henry's smile that she could forget him, and even then, it was only ever just for a moment. He had wanted her. He loved her. He chose her over Marian.
But just as she had told him before he left, that shouldn't matter. None of that should matter. What should matter was that Marian was his wife. Robin had always been a man of honor, and what kind of person was she to change the man she loved, to let him rid himself of that honor he had so prided himself upon just because she dared to love him?
Because she was stupid enough to love him. The tears that she had, until now, kept at bay began to slowly flow down Regina's cheeks. Robin was holding Roland now, and Marian was wrapping her arms around both the guys Regina loved. Yes, she had come to love Roland, too, and just as she wouldn't deprive Henry Emma, she would never try to keep a child from his mother.
Marian wasn't all bad. She remembered how she had been willing to step out of her way, or so she'd claimed. She'd said she wanted Robin to choose her, and if he didn't, if he chose Regina as he told her he would, she would bow out. She would let Regina have her husband, and surely that meant time with her child, as well. The woman wasn't all bad; she was actually a pretty good lady.
Better than Regina had been to her. Yes, she had saved her life twice, but she had done so out of selfish means. She hadn't wanted Marian's blood on her hands for two reasons. It wasn't that she didn't want to be rid of the twit. She didn't want Robin to see her kill his wife for that would surely stop whatever he did feel for her, and she didn't want to be evil any longer. She wanted to be good for Henry and for herself, for Robin and whatever future they might have been able to have together, if only he'd been able to stay.
But that was the crux of the matter, wasn't it? The man she loved, her second True Love, had been taken from her. He hadn't been killed. No, perhaps this was even worse in a way. He had done the honorable thing for the mother of his child and left to protect her, to save her, to keep his family together even though he wanted nothing more than to be with Regina. He'd even said he would let Roland go if it came to choosing between his son and his love.
He would let everything go, just to be with her. He would choose her above everything. He just wanted to be with her. He wanted to love her as badly as Regina wanted to be loved by him. But now, there was nothing either could do. He was Marian's, not because he had chosen her or because Regina had let her have him. In a way, she had, she admitted, but it was only to save her life. Roland needed his mother. His mother loved him, and he deserved to have her. They couldn't have gone out into modern society, into this new world so full of other dangers and strange, modern ways, without protection, and Roland also needed his father as badly as he needed his mother.
Worse, Regina thought, than she needed him even if, for the first time in a long time, he had made her feel like, as cliche as it was, a real woman. Tinker Bell had been right. She had shut herself off to love, and with the sole exception of Henry, Regina had forgotten how to love. She had forgotten how to feel. She had forgotten, for a long time, how to do anything but to survive and be cruel to get what she wanted.
Cruelty couldn't win this battle for if she had been cruel, if she had kept Robin for herself instead of insisting he go with his family, he would have eventually come to hate her. Perhaps he never would have held Marian against her, but surely he would have hated the fact that he would have had to release Roland to innumerable, unknown dangers rather than keep his son safe to be with her. She wasn't that good of a person. She didn't deserve him to make that choice. She didn't deserve him, and she certainly didn't deserve his love.
Perhaps that was the real reason why she had lost him. She had never been good enough to keep him. She had never been good enough to deserve him. She had never been good enough to have his love, and as silent tears rolled down the dark Queen's face, left alone in her crypt, she admitted at last to herself, she had never been good enough to keep his love or to have the happily ever after with him they both wanted.
It wasn't the writer's fault. It wasn't Robin's, Roland's, Emma's, or even Marian's -- although she still despised the woman -- fault. Even Snow White was not to blame. Nor was her mother. She could see it all clearly now. Every decision she had ever made, every act of cruelty she had taken, every life she had snuffed out like the flame of a candle, everything she'd ever done had led her here. She had twisted her own fate. She had destroyed her own life.
Marian's face turned up in the image on the enchanted parchment. Robin laughed as she smiled. Regina didn't know what had happened to make them so happy, but it didn't really matter. He was happy without her. He lived without her, and one day, too, he would love again without her.
It was all her fault. With an anguished cry, she threw the parchment away from her and slung a fireball after it. The fire engulfed it immediately and burned it to ashes swiftly. The ashes were just settling on the floor when a door she'd thought she'd locked opened. "Mom?" Henry called.
She started to try to compose herself. She starts to tell him to go away, not wanting him to see her like this, but suddenly, his arms are tight around her waist and he's hugging her as if again they face death together. Hesitantly, she puts her arms around the small child, who isn't quite so small any longer and who first changed everything for her.
"It's going to be okay, Mom," he promises her, voice muffled in the folds of her black dress. "It's going to be okay. We'll find them."
She thinks he means the writer, but she knows solving her problem, gaining that happily ever after for which she yearns so badly, will not be as simple as finding one man with a special quill. He really means Robin and Roland to make their family complete, but even if Regina had realized that, she would have known, too, that life still wasn't that simple. She had to atone for her mistakes. She had to fix her own being before she could fix her future. If she could learn to be the good woman he wanted her to be, if she could be truly the good mother he deserves, maybe then, she can also become the woman Robin deserves to love. She forcibly silences her tears. There will be plenty of time for more of those in the future, but for now, she just hugs her son and tries to be the woman he deserves.
The End
