katleept: (EliotMedes)
katleept ([personal profile] katleept) wrote2015-07-18 12:58 am

Nothing

Title: Nothing
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman
Character/Pairing: Horace/Myra
Rating: PG-13/T
Challenge/Prompt: The weekend challenge at [livejournal.com profile] 1_million_words drawing off of the following prompts:

Quote:
"It is obvious that we can no more explain a passion to a person who has never experienced it than we can explain light to the blind."
-T. S. Eliot

Lyric:
"Hey Jude, don't be afraid. You were made to go out and get her."
- The Beatles - "Hey Jude"

Book:
"He was not profane, he had never tasted liquor, he was no brawler, he never gambled, he was honest and truthful. On the other hand, he had a genius for making friends, he was the center of every social circle, he was a good talker and a close reasoner. Without a thought of the great responsibilities awaiting him, he had thus far fitted himself well by his faithfulness in such duties as fell to him."
- Henry Ketcham, "The Life of Abraham Lincoln"

Warning(s): None
Word Count: 525
Summary:
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
Author's Note: I just want to state here that I actually very much like Horace and disagree with his own thoughts of himself, but I can definitely see him feeling this way, especially shortly after Myra leaves. The poor dear was at such a loss, after all. <3


He stands there in front of his little world, half expecting for his bride-to-be not to show. She has told him so many times she loves him as he does her, but still he wonders every day of his life what there is in him to love. He's looked in the mirror enough times to know that he is not handsome or even rugged. Every man in this church looks better than he. She says looks don't matter, but how can they not to a woman who has bedded men for as long as she and from every walk of life?

He doesn't like thinking about her past -- he refuses to let it be her future --, but still, he can not help but to ponder it. She has had rich men, poor men, handsome men, perhaps a few uglier than he. She claims he is gentler and better than them all, but he does not see how that can be true. After all, he is nothing special.

Grace, Dorothy, and Doctor Mike all spoke to him when he first started falling in love with Myra. Each woman told him he was special, he was sweet, he had something to offer her, and he should pursue his passion, dream, and love. If not for their encouragement, he doubts he ever would have made his feelings known, but still, standing here before them all and the rest of the town, he can't help but to doubt himself again. Despite their words, he knows he is nothing special. He is a good man, a honest man, but that is all.

Myra can do so much better for herself. She deserves better, too. Perhaps he should send her on her way, but how can he deny the love he feels trumpeting in his heart every time he looks at her? He doesn't have the words to tell her how greatly he loves her, but he has tried. She has seemed to be wowed by his simple words, but he knows, still, she deserves better.

He's surprised when the doors open, the wedding march begins, and she actually shows. His surprise grows when she takes his hand, confesses again how much she loves him, and he almost weeps for joy when she really does marry him. He is the proudest man, the luckiest man, but even as she takes his hand in hers and they begin their life together, doubts still whisper in the back of his mind.

She deserves better. He is almost nothing himself and has little more to offer to her. But for a time, they are happy. For a time, he believes he is making her happy, but then, as always before, she leaves him. She takes the child who is as much his as she is hers and leaves from his life without a trace. He always knew he didn't deserve, but he never thought she'd abandon him like this. Horace wakes again from his dreams filled with memories, tears running down his face, sobs breaking from his mouth, and his whole being aching with the knowledge that he is nothing, after all.

The End

Post a comment in response:

This account has disabled anonymous posting.
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.
More info about formatting