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katleeptTitle: No Amount
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: California Dreams
Character/Pairing: Sly/Tiffani
Rating: G/K
Challenge/Prompt: #152: Nerve and #154: Frivolous
Warning(s): None
Word Count: 665
Summary:
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
They've always thought him frivolous, that he doesn't care about anything beyond where his next buck is coming from. They've always been wrong, but he's rarely allowed them to see his true self. He keeps it buried under the fast talker who only acts for money. He keeps it buried under lies and jokes, and even his friends don't know the real him.
Sure, money's important. He loves money, because with money, you can do things. With enough money, you can do anything, be any one, be any one that some one would want. Perhaps he is greedy, but no one knows how selfless he can be.
He used to think that being rich could buy him happiness, but he's since come to realize that that's just another lie. Only this lie, he's fed to himself. He's never going to be happy again, not truly happy, not like he was once for far too short a time. They were only together for a few days, but those days were a paradise here on Earth for him.
But he couldn't make her happy. Money couldn't make her happy. Again, he wasn't good enough. Just as he'd always disappointed his parents, just as he hadn't been enough to make Alison stay in touch when she'd moved away, just like he wasn't good enough to actually play in the band, he wasn't good enough for her. No amount of money can change what he is or, rather, what he isn't. No amount of money can make him better, can win her back to his side, or make either of them happy.
He watches her smile and laugh. He watches her beautiful eyes shine with joy that isn't made by him. He watches her shine every night as she plays with the Dreams, and afterward . . . Afterward, he goes to her, his thoughts all jumbled, his heart pounding. He tells her how fantastic she was, how great they all were but especially her.
He tries to tell her more. He tries to find the words to say what he's really been aching to say ever since he let the greatest treasure he ever held slip through his fingers. He tries to tell her he loves her, he misses her. But his tongue won't form the words. For all his smooth talking in getting them gigs and making money, he can't find the words to woo her, not that he could even if he did for he'll never be enough.
He'll never be cool enough. He'll never be handsome enough. He'll never care enough in her eyes. She wants a better man. She deserves a better man. So every night, while he's fumbling with his words and he looks up and sees her face suddenly light up, he steps aside. He steps aside for the better man that he'll never be. He steps aside for her happiness. He loses his nerve. He steps aside for her, and he loses her all over again to Jake, to Mark, and to a dozen different guys.
She dates a lot these days, but none of them are him. He watches her every day; she hardly ever looks his way. Her hair shines like gold in the California sun; her smile is even more radiant. He remembers what it felt like to hold her, to touch her, to call her his, and when the day is done and he's alone in his room with no one to see the failure he is, he brings out a flower he was once lucky enough to place into her long, shining hair. He caresses the flower with tender fingers that once held her, and he cries. He cries, knowing he'll never have her again, and the next day, he does it all over again, trying to love her from afar and always stepping out of the way so she can be happier than he knows he or any amount of money will ever make her.
The End
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: California Dreams
Character/Pairing: Sly/Tiffani
Rating: G/K
Challenge/Prompt: #152: Nerve and #154: Frivolous
Warning(s): None
Word Count: 665
Summary:
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.
They've always thought him frivolous, that he doesn't care about anything beyond where his next buck is coming from. They've always been wrong, but he's rarely allowed them to see his true self. He keeps it buried under the fast talker who only acts for money. He keeps it buried under lies and jokes, and even his friends don't know the real him.
Sure, money's important. He loves money, because with money, you can do things. With enough money, you can do anything, be any one, be any one that some one would want. Perhaps he is greedy, but no one knows how selfless he can be.
He used to think that being rich could buy him happiness, but he's since come to realize that that's just another lie. Only this lie, he's fed to himself. He's never going to be happy again, not truly happy, not like he was once for far too short a time. They were only together for a few days, but those days were a paradise here on Earth for him.
But he couldn't make her happy. Money couldn't make her happy. Again, he wasn't good enough. Just as he'd always disappointed his parents, just as he hadn't been enough to make Alison stay in touch when she'd moved away, just like he wasn't good enough to actually play in the band, he wasn't good enough for her. No amount of money can change what he is or, rather, what he isn't. No amount of money can make him better, can win her back to his side, or make either of them happy.
He watches her smile and laugh. He watches her beautiful eyes shine with joy that isn't made by him. He watches her shine every night as she plays with the Dreams, and afterward . . . Afterward, he goes to her, his thoughts all jumbled, his heart pounding. He tells her how fantastic she was, how great they all were but especially her.
He tries to tell her more. He tries to find the words to say what he's really been aching to say ever since he let the greatest treasure he ever held slip through his fingers. He tries to tell her he loves her, he misses her. But his tongue won't form the words. For all his smooth talking in getting them gigs and making money, he can't find the words to woo her, not that he could even if he did for he'll never be enough.
He'll never be cool enough. He'll never be handsome enough. He'll never care enough in her eyes. She wants a better man. She deserves a better man. So every night, while he's fumbling with his words and he looks up and sees her face suddenly light up, he steps aside. He steps aside for the better man that he'll never be. He steps aside for her happiness. He loses his nerve. He steps aside for her, and he loses her all over again to Jake, to Mark, and to a dozen different guys.
She dates a lot these days, but none of them are him. He watches her every day; she hardly ever looks his way. Her hair shines like gold in the California sun; her smile is even more radiant. He remembers what it felt like to hold her, to touch her, to call her his, and when the day is done and he's alone in his room with no one to see the failure he is, he brings out a flower he was once lucky enough to place into her long, shining hair. He caresses the flower with tender fingers that once held her, and he cries. He cries, knowing he'll never have her again, and the next day, he does it all over again, trying to love her from afar and always stepping out of the way so she can be happier than he knows he or any amount of money will ever make her.
The End
