Promise To Herself
Dec. 8th, 2015 12:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
katleeptTitle: Promise To Herself
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: X-Men
Character/Pairing: Rogue/Storm
Rating: R/M
Challenge/Prompt:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
towerparty Amnesty Week: Next time I'll be braver, I'll be my own saviour.
Warning(s): None
Word Count: 8 December, 2015
Date Written: 1,170
Summary:
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Marvel Comics and Disney, not the author, and are used without permission.
Ah promised mahself Ah wouldn't need anybody evah again. Ah promised mahself th' next time Ah was hurtin', Ah'd be braver, Ah'd be stronger, Ah'd save mah own skin. Ah wouldn't wait for another man, or another woman, not after th' way Remy left me hurtin' last time. An' not just him, either, but th' whole dang team.
Ah thought Ah could trust y'all. Ah thought Ah finally had a family again. Ah thought we actually had each other's backs. We might not be able to always stop th' hatred in th' world. We might not even be able to save th' day every time. But we had each othah an' that was what mattered most.
Then you left us, an' everythin' went to Hell in a hand basket. How could ya just leave us like that, Stormy? Ya said ya wanted to take care o' yoah people, but we've been yoah people fer years, too. What about us? How could ya leave us?
It feels so good t' hear yoah voice on th' othah end o' this line. Ah know there are tears in mah eyes, but Ah ain't gonna let 'em fall an' Ah ain't gonna let ya hear 'em. Ah ain't gonna let you in again, not evah again an' not any one else either. Ya had yoah chance. Every one o' ya did, an' ya all let me down just like Momma used to.
Mystique was mah Momma. We had our issues -- all families do --, but as many times as we fought, she never would've killed me, not like Scott did th' Professor. Ah still barely can believe it happened. O' all th' people Ah might've thought would kill Charles, Ah nevah would've thought it'd be him. He was the Boy Scout. He always did everything he could t' protect us all. Or so we all thought.
They claim it was th' Phoenix force, but Ah've had evil up inside me before. It can make ya do awful things, but there's a part o' ya that wants to th' things it makes ya. That's what it feeds off of. That's where it gets ideas. It unleashes those pent up parts o' ya until th' real you's gone an' all that's left is all those things ya been tryin' not to do all those years.
He killed him. Ah can't believe it. Ah don't wanna believe it, but Ah know it's true. It's a wonder Mags ain't killed him yet, 'cept he knows Charles wouldn't want him to, even now. An' maybe it's silly. Maybe it's just me lyin' t' myself again. But a part o' me can't help thinkin' that if you'd been here, if you'd nevah left us, nevah left our family which you claimed t' love, it wouldn't've happened.
You would've found a way, Stormy. You've been worshipped as a Goddess, an' Ah can still see that at times. You're beautiful, an' Ah don't just mean in the physical sense. There's this light around ya, this golden, peaceful, beautiful light that makes everythin' good seem possible an' th' worst things not so bad, after all. You broke through some o' mah darkest times t' reach me. You coulda done th' same for Scott, for Charles, if you'd been here.
But you weren't here, were you? You were across th' fuckin' world, playin' Queen. You weren't supposed to be their Queen. You were supposed t' be ours. You were supposed t' protect us. Didn't ya promise me once that you'd always be here fer me? But like everybody else Ah've evah been stupid enough t' love an' trust, when Ah needed ya the most, ya let me down again an' again. Ya let us all down. Ya let him kill Charles.
Ya might as well have killed th' Dream with him, an' Ah don't even mean th' Dream he started o' peace between mutants an' humans although Ah don't think that's evah gonna really happen any more. Ah mean th' dream we each had: th' dream o' being a family, th' dream o' havin' each other, th' dream o' havin' brothers an' sisters we could trust t' have our backs against th' world, against each othah, against our own selves.
Ya let us down, Stormy, an' Charles paid th' worst price. He wasn't without his flaws, but he loved us all. He didn't deserve t' be killed like that, 'specially not by th' man who were th' closest thing he evah had to a son other than Legion. Maybe Ah'm wrong. It's easy t' shift th' blame. Ah learned that long ago, what with Momma an' all. But Ah know Ah can't trust ya. Ah can't trust any o' y'all any more -- with mah back maybe, but nevah again with mah heart.
Ya say ya don't know why Ah'm still wit' th' Avengers. Ya say ya don't know why Ah won't come home. But you do. Ah ain't got a home any more. Ah'm th' little, ole runaway again, but this runaway's learned a thing or two. It's better to be on mah own, even if Ah'm still supposedly with a team, than with a bunch o' folks Ah know Ah'll let get too close again if Ah'm around 'em every day again.
Ah can't let ya do that to me again -- not you or Remy or any o' y'all. Ah can't let ya close. So Ah'll stay here with this team o' people Ah barely know, still workin' for Charles' dream, still keepin' his memory alive. Ah'll stay ovah here, an' Ah'll stay safe -- not mah body -- none o' us so-called "heroes" are evah really safe -- but mah heart. That's th' most fragile part o' me any way. We'll come help ya, Stormy. We'll come help the X-Men save th' world again, but ya ain't evah gettin' close to this ole gal again.
Ya ain't evah gettin' in mah heart again. Ya ain't evah tearin' down mah walls again. Ah'll help ya. Ah'll be yoah friend. But Ah'll nevah trust ya again. Ah'll nevah love ya again, or believe you love me. Ah'll fight on mah own, though with a team all around me, an' if Ah fall, shugah, Ah'll fall on mah own. Ah'll be mah own hero, or mah own downfall, but Ah'll nevah let any o' ya in again. Ah'll nevah let ya hurt me again.
Ah'll never be stupid enough t' love 'gain, an' though Ah might fall, Ah'll nevah get mah heart broken again, not by ya or anybody else, evah again. That's a promise Ah made t' mahself when Ah came here. Everybody else around me might break their promises, but Ah won't, not to mahself, not again, not ever 'gain. Ah'll be own mah hero, or Ah'll die tryin', but that pain'll be less than anythin' y'all could evah do to me again if Ah let y'all back in, but Ah won't. Ah won't feel that hurt again, Ah promise.
The End
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: X-Men
Character/Pairing: Rogue/Storm
Rating: R/M
Challenge/Prompt:
towerparty Amnesty Week: Next time I'll be braver, I'll be my own saviour.Warning(s): None
Word Count: 8 December, 2015
Date Written: 1,170
Summary:
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Marvel Comics and Disney, not the author, and are used without permission.
Ah promised mahself Ah wouldn't need anybody evah again. Ah promised mahself th' next time Ah was hurtin', Ah'd be braver, Ah'd be stronger, Ah'd save mah own skin. Ah wouldn't wait for another man, or another woman, not after th' way Remy left me hurtin' last time. An' not just him, either, but th' whole dang team.
Ah thought Ah could trust y'all. Ah thought Ah finally had a family again. Ah thought we actually had each other's backs. We might not be able to always stop th' hatred in th' world. We might not even be able to save th' day every time. But we had each othah an' that was what mattered most.
Then you left us, an' everythin' went to Hell in a hand basket. How could ya just leave us like that, Stormy? Ya said ya wanted to take care o' yoah people, but we've been yoah people fer years, too. What about us? How could ya leave us?
It feels so good t' hear yoah voice on th' othah end o' this line. Ah know there are tears in mah eyes, but Ah ain't gonna let 'em fall an' Ah ain't gonna let ya hear 'em. Ah ain't gonna let you in again, not evah again an' not any one else either. Ya had yoah chance. Every one o' ya did, an' ya all let me down just like Momma used to.
Mystique was mah Momma. We had our issues -- all families do --, but as many times as we fought, she never would've killed me, not like Scott did th' Professor. Ah still barely can believe it happened. O' all th' people Ah might've thought would kill Charles, Ah nevah would've thought it'd be him. He was the Boy Scout. He always did everything he could t' protect us all. Or so we all thought.
They claim it was th' Phoenix force, but Ah've had evil up inside me before. It can make ya do awful things, but there's a part o' ya that wants to th' things it makes ya. That's what it feeds off of. That's where it gets ideas. It unleashes those pent up parts o' ya until th' real you's gone an' all that's left is all those things ya been tryin' not to do all those years.
He killed him. Ah can't believe it. Ah don't wanna believe it, but Ah know it's true. It's a wonder Mags ain't killed him yet, 'cept he knows Charles wouldn't want him to, even now. An' maybe it's silly. Maybe it's just me lyin' t' myself again. But a part o' me can't help thinkin' that if you'd been here, if you'd nevah left us, nevah left our family which you claimed t' love, it wouldn't've happened.
You would've found a way, Stormy. You've been worshipped as a Goddess, an' Ah can still see that at times. You're beautiful, an' Ah don't just mean in the physical sense. There's this light around ya, this golden, peaceful, beautiful light that makes everythin' good seem possible an' th' worst things not so bad, after all. You broke through some o' mah darkest times t' reach me. You coulda done th' same for Scott, for Charles, if you'd been here.
But you weren't here, were you? You were across th' fuckin' world, playin' Queen. You weren't supposed to be their Queen. You were supposed t' be ours. You were supposed t' protect us. Didn't ya promise me once that you'd always be here fer me? But like everybody else Ah've evah been stupid enough t' love an' trust, when Ah needed ya the most, ya let me down again an' again. Ya let us all down. Ya let him kill Charles.
Ya might as well have killed th' Dream with him, an' Ah don't even mean th' Dream he started o' peace between mutants an' humans although Ah don't think that's evah gonna really happen any more. Ah mean th' dream we each had: th' dream o' being a family, th' dream o' havin' each other, th' dream o' havin' brothers an' sisters we could trust t' have our backs against th' world, against each othah, against our own selves.
Ya let us down, Stormy, an' Charles paid th' worst price. He wasn't without his flaws, but he loved us all. He didn't deserve t' be killed like that, 'specially not by th' man who were th' closest thing he evah had to a son other than Legion. Maybe Ah'm wrong. It's easy t' shift th' blame. Ah learned that long ago, what with Momma an' all. But Ah know Ah can't trust ya. Ah can't trust any o' y'all any more -- with mah back maybe, but nevah again with mah heart.
Ya say ya don't know why Ah'm still wit' th' Avengers. Ya say ya don't know why Ah won't come home. But you do. Ah ain't got a home any more. Ah'm th' little, ole runaway again, but this runaway's learned a thing or two. It's better to be on mah own, even if Ah'm still supposedly with a team, than with a bunch o' folks Ah know Ah'll let get too close again if Ah'm around 'em every day again.
Ah can't let ya do that to me again -- not you or Remy or any o' y'all. Ah can't let ya close. So Ah'll stay here with this team o' people Ah barely know, still workin' for Charles' dream, still keepin' his memory alive. Ah'll stay ovah here, an' Ah'll stay safe -- not mah body -- none o' us so-called "heroes" are evah really safe -- but mah heart. That's th' most fragile part o' me any way. We'll come help ya, Stormy. We'll come help the X-Men save th' world again, but ya ain't evah gettin' close to this ole gal again.
Ya ain't evah gettin' in mah heart again. Ya ain't evah tearin' down mah walls again. Ah'll help ya. Ah'll be yoah friend. But Ah'll nevah trust ya again. Ah'll nevah love ya again, or believe you love me. Ah'll fight on mah own, though with a team all around me, an' if Ah fall, shugah, Ah'll fall on mah own. Ah'll be mah own hero, or mah own downfall, but Ah'll nevah let any o' ya in again. Ah'll nevah let ya hurt me again.
Ah'll never be stupid enough t' love 'gain, an' though Ah might fall, Ah'll nevah get mah heart broken again, not by ya or anybody else, evah again. That's a promise Ah made t' mahself when Ah came here. Everybody else around me might break their promises, but Ah won't, not to mahself, not again, not ever 'gain. Ah'll be own mah hero, or Ah'll die tryin', but that pain'll be less than anythin' y'all could evah do to me again if Ah let y'all back in, but Ah won't. Ah won't feel that hurt again, Ah promise.
The End
