In the Loving Arms (of His Queen)
Apr. 24th, 2016 02:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
katleeptTitle: In the Loving Arms (of His Queen)
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: Angel
Character/Pairing: Angel/Cordelia
Rating: R/M
Challenge/Prompt:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
nekid_spike Mini Bang
Warning(s): Cannon Character Deaths
Word Count: 2,616
Date Written: 22 February, 2016
Author's Note: You don't want to miss the fabulous accompanying art by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
comlodge here!
Summary:
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Whedon, not the author, and are used without permission.
She's always known her life is crazy. She recognized it for the first time when her hometown was overran by Vampires and she was rescued by a girl who should have had absolutely nothing to offer her. She recognized it a second time when that girl won the hunk she'd set her vixen eyes on and came to know it, beyond a shadow of a doubt, when her father's lawyer stole their money and forced them into poverty. And, of course, there was that time when her squad stopped listening to her because she made the mistake of dating the Zeppo of all Zeppos.
Life isn't fair. It's crazy and hardly ever good. She's had to fight hard to have what she holds and fiercely to keep it. Once, she ruled Sunnydale, but once the Vampires started coming, she didn't stand a chance. It's a wonder she's made it this far.
She was supposed to never give up her crown. Doyle called her his Princess; Lorne still does. Yet, now, it is only a name except when she's laying here next to him. These rare, quiet moments almost make everything she's suffered worthwhile, if not meaningless. Her life is crazy, and it isn't fair, but it's brought her here. It's brought her to him.
She's gazing into his deep, dark eyes from over their child's head, and Connor is their child, even if she isn't the baby's blood mother. Vampires aren't supposed to be able to really have a baby, and Darla's gone any way. She is this baby's mother, the only one he'll ever know, and she's actually gotten pretty amazingly good at it.
He's sleeping soundly now. He's always so cute when he sleeps, but her eyes aren't drawn to him. They're pulled into his father's soulful gaze instead. She's been able to read Angel's emotions for a while now, and what she sees in his dark eyes secretly thrills her. He's not thinking of Buffy, and for once, he's not brooding. He's gazing at her with love.
She wishes she could tell him she loves him, too, but she knows the dangers that come with loving him. She's ready to face them, but not to scare him. He's already been hurt far more than any one deserves, especially a man who's laid his life, or afterlife, on the line so many times for the world. He's saved everybody time and again and never really asked a thing for it except for a redemption that he doesn't believe he'll ever deserve. Heck, she can't even get him to get the money from the clients who claim they're going to pay them to solve their problems. Angel's just a really good guy.
An incredibly good guy. She remembers with ease now how jealous she was when she first met him and learned he was Buffy's. She'd set her eyes on him, and he was the first to not fall sway to the Cordelia Chase School of Charms. That was when she first began slipping, but she's not slipping any more.
No, in moments like this, she almost feels like she is the Princess again, like she never stopped being a Princess. Her crown wasn't taken away; it only changed. She no longer runs a high school and a meaningless flock of sheep. Now she strives to keep a man going who's got to be the most incredible guy in the world. She gives him the visions he needs of who to save next, and as he's saving them, she makes sure he isn't lost in the process. She makes certain none of them are lost, and it's not exactly an easy thing to do when you're dealing with a Vampire who wants to die half the time, a babbling girl who spent far too much time in a dimension with Demons to ever really be able to be considered sane, and a guy packing as much attitude as Gunn always does.
Not to mention Wesley Wyndham Pryce, another of her loser exes. Boy, did she ever have bad taste in picking guys after she fell in Sunnydale! But then, there was no guy she ever really wanted after she laid her royal eyes on Angel. None of the others could possibly compare. Xander, Wesley, and the rest were just distractions to keep her making a fool over the one she thought she couldn't have. But Wesley is a good guy, as is Xander, for the most part, and he's an important part of their team, their family even.
It isn't easy, but keeping this family going is the best thing she's ever done. Her hazel eyes glance down at the head of the baby slumbering between herself and her secret love, and she reflects, Okay. Well, maybe second best. Then her eyes raise back to Angel's. She wishes she could tell him. She really does. But keeping them all safe depends on making sure he never has that one moment of pure bliss. Finding out she loves him, that she chooses him above all others (not that there are that many others trying to date her right now, but he doesn't need to know that, and besides, even if there was, none of them could ever measure up to him), would be enough to make many men their happiest.
She owes him the debt of keeping her affections silent, keeping her love unspoken so as to never free Angelus again, and a thousand things more. He is, after all, the reason she's pulled through her chaotic life. Somehow, he's always been around the next corner. He was there when the world was falling apart in Sunnydale and protected her many times, even driving her home once, although he claimed to be the Slayer's and only have eyes for her. Maybe he did. He did die because of her, but that was then.
And this, as they say, is now. They've both changed, but he's always there for her. Just as he was there that first night they met here in L.A. to save her from sacrificing herself to become a big star, he's always been here when she needs him. Well, except if you count that time he fired her and the guys, but she doesn't count that. It was just another time he was trying to save them from him. He's bad about that, but she won't let him do it ever again.
She promised them both when she started falling hard for him again that he'd never have to save them from himself again. She won't let Angelus out. She won't let her best friend become a monster again. She won't let her hero need any more saving than he already does, and what saving he does need she'll always be the one to provide.
She wishes she could say the words, but she can not. She does, however, in this quiet moment shared between them, try to tell him with her meaningful gaze. She loves him, and because she loves him as much as she does, she will protect him, even, and perhaps most especially, from himself. They'll keep his monster caged, but that, too, means they'll have to keep their love caged.
Once again, she glances down at Connor. She swallows the tight ball forming in her throat. She knows this is the only way. He can never know how much she loves him. It's the only way to keep them all safe, to keep his monster in check, and to provide Connor with the future she promised them all he would have.
She could perhaps be dismayed that giving the child a future means limiting her own, but her life, strange and twisting as it is, is already promising her a great and brilliant future. She may never become the big star or Queen she once wanted to be. That isn't important any more. She doesn't even take the time to go on auditions any longer, and a girl can't get the part of a life time without auditioning -- at least not before the world. But she already does have the part of a life time right here in this hotel. She's already got everything she could ever really want. She is whole, and she is Queen again, even if her congregation now is far smaller than it was ever before she started dating that loser, Xander. And these people mean far more to her than her sheep ever did, especially her Angel.
She smiles as she thinks those words. He is her Angel, her hero, and her love, and even if she never tells him, nothing will ever make anything of that any less true. He is her hero, and she, as she's told him in the past, is his Vision Girl. They're a perfect match.
Angel's fingers brush hers where her hand is still holding Connor's bottle. Her eyes flash up at him in surprise. He's smiling so sweetly that it's almost as though he doesn't know what he's doing to her, sending a thousand butterflies fluttering throughout her whole system, but if there's one thing in this life Cordelia Chase knows, it's men, even undead ones. He knows exactly what he's doing to her.
Her heartbeat quickens, and she knows he can hear it. Normally, she frets he'll figure out what she's thinking and how she's truly feeling when he hears the way her heart races when he touches her, but gazing into his eyes tonight, Cordelia suddenly realizes it's too late. He already knows, but he'll never act on it. They have to keep the world safe together. They have to keep each other safe, and baby Connor, too, and the rest of their makeshift family. But he knows she loves him, and he loves her, too.
She beams silently in response, her beautiful face aglow with love and joy. He loves her! They love each other. She is his Queen, he her Knight, and the rest of the world falls away. They may never speak a word of it aloud, but they both know how the other feels. They lay there the rest of the night, loving each other with their eyes until Cordelia finally falls asleep, a big smile still on her face for she is the Queen who rules her kingdom and her Angel forever.
=^.^=
When the fight is finally over, Angel, at first, knows not what else to do. He's been fighting for days that have turned into weeks that have felt like years. He's barely moving, and he's seen so many die. He doesn't even know where to find their bodies, and Illyria's can not be found. He saw his friend be turned to ashes by the dragon, the dragon that was brought here to kill him, to stop him.
Perhaps he should have stopped before it all changed. Perhaps he should have ceased fighting, surrendered himself so that the others could live, but they wouldn't have wanted that. But now he's lost and alone. He doesn't even know where to go, where to turn. Wherever he goes, whatever he does, Angel knows, in the end, he'll just get more people hurt. That's what he does better than anything else; he's a destroyer, not a Savior. He destroys everything good and precious that enters his life.
That's exactly why he shouldn't be surprised to find himself standing where he is now. The rain's still falling. He's soaked to his bones, but he doesn't care. It doesn't matter. Nothing does.
But he knows that's a lie. She's always mattered to him. He's loved her from the first moment she broke before him and he witnessed the true Cordelia Chase. That's why he's come to her again now, when he has nothing else left in this world.
She's not here, he knows. If he digs into that ground, he'll only find a casket with bones that resemble nothing of his beautiful Cordelia. He remembers, with a sad smile beginning to lift his bruised lips, how she used to shine. She was truly the most beautiful thing he'd ever witnessed, and yet, like everything else, good in his life, he destroyed her.
He sinks to the muddy ground on his knees, hands grasping her tombstone. His forehead presses against the cold, hard cement. His shoulders shake, and finally, he begins to cry. Tears fall down his pale face when he'd thought he could not possibly have any more to shed.
The moon sinks. He doesn't move, but the sun also does not rise. The skies remain dark, although the rain finally stopped falling hours ago. He turns his head and presses his cheek against his Princess' tombstone, and suddenly, through the fog, he sees what appears to be a figure. His eyes widen. His mouth opens to speak, but already, she is gone, if, indeed, she was ever there.
Yet, now, he knows what must be done. He made a promise to her, several actually, and although some have been broken, he never intended for that to happen. He intended to keep every one of them. He'll still fight to keep his word to her. Like a Knight of old, he'll rise again and again to follow Her Majesty's orders. He'll do what she asked of him, no matter how much it pains him.
And in the wisp of the wind, where he can not see it, his Queen smiles. There is sorrow in her smile and in her eyes, but still, she smiles. He still loves her, and that love will guide him. It will guide him to the rest of those he needs to save, and, one day, ultimately, it will guide him back to her. I love you, Angel, but you must keep on fighting. She knows he will until, at last, he can lay down his sword at her feet.
She'll wait for that moment, no matter how long it takes him, and when her Knight finally does return to her side, when he finally comes home to her, they'll have eternity. Cordelia smiles, knowing that's the longest any Queen can rule and truly satisfied with a small reign. Even if he is the only one who truly remembers that she is his Princess, if he is the only one to still bow to her when all else is said and done, he's all she can ever want. He keeps her going, even now as a spirit, watching over him and loving him, as always she has, from a distance, but one day, that distance will close.
Cordelia's smile is gracious, kind, and loving. She blows a kiss to him, and the wind rustles his spiky, black hair. She'll wait for him, no matter how long it takes, when before, she would wait for no man. He is the only one for her, and when he comes to her this time, she'll no longer hesitate to tell him how greatly she loves him. They'll no longer have a world to protect. They'll only have each other, but with one another, they'll be complete for all time. Still beaming, she vanishes again before he can spot her, but he feels her invisible kiss on his cheek.
He feels her hand on his shoulder, her reign over him, and he rises to fight again. He may never be human, but that no longer matters. He is her Knight. He will save all he can before he retires to her. He knows she's waiting, but he knows, too, what she wants. He'll save all he can, and the he'll spend eternity where he craves, in the loving arms of his Queen.
The End
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: Angel
Character/Pairing: Angel/Cordelia
Rating: R/M
Challenge/Prompt:
nekid_spike Mini BangWarning(s): Cannon Character Deaths
Word Count: 2,616
Date Written: 22 February, 2016
Author's Note: You don't want to miss the fabulous accompanying art by
comlodge here!Summary:
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Whedon, not the author, and are used without permission.
She's always known her life is crazy. She recognized it for the first time when her hometown was overran by Vampires and she was rescued by a girl who should have had absolutely nothing to offer her. She recognized it a second time when that girl won the hunk she'd set her vixen eyes on and came to know it, beyond a shadow of a doubt, when her father's lawyer stole their money and forced them into poverty. And, of course, there was that time when her squad stopped listening to her because she made the mistake of dating the Zeppo of all Zeppos.
Life isn't fair. It's crazy and hardly ever good. She's had to fight hard to have what she holds and fiercely to keep it. Once, she ruled Sunnydale, but once the Vampires started coming, she didn't stand a chance. It's a wonder she's made it this far.
She was supposed to never give up her crown. Doyle called her his Princess; Lorne still does. Yet, now, it is only a name except when she's laying here next to him. These rare, quiet moments almost make everything she's suffered worthwhile, if not meaningless. Her life is crazy, and it isn't fair, but it's brought her here. It's brought her to him.
She's gazing into his deep, dark eyes from over their child's head, and Connor is their child, even if she isn't the baby's blood mother. Vampires aren't supposed to be able to really have a baby, and Darla's gone any way. She is this baby's mother, the only one he'll ever know, and she's actually gotten pretty amazingly good at it.
He's sleeping soundly now. He's always so cute when he sleeps, but her eyes aren't drawn to him. They're pulled into his father's soulful gaze instead. She's been able to read Angel's emotions for a while now, and what she sees in his dark eyes secretly thrills her. He's not thinking of Buffy, and for once, he's not brooding. He's gazing at her with love.
She wishes she could tell him she loves him, too, but she knows the dangers that come with loving him. She's ready to face them, but not to scare him. He's already been hurt far more than any one deserves, especially a man who's laid his life, or afterlife, on the line so many times for the world. He's saved everybody time and again and never really asked a thing for it except for a redemption that he doesn't believe he'll ever deserve. Heck, she can't even get him to get the money from the clients who claim they're going to pay them to solve their problems. Angel's just a really good guy.
An incredibly good guy. She remembers with ease now how jealous she was when she first met him and learned he was Buffy's. She'd set her eyes on him, and he was the first to not fall sway to the Cordelia Chase School of Charms. That was when she first began slipping, but she's not slipping any more.
No, in moments like this, she almost feels like she is the Princess again, like she never stopped being a Princess. Her crown wasn't taken away; it only changed. She no longer runs a high school and a meaningless flock of sheep. Now she strives to keep a man going who's got to be the most incredible guy in the world. She gives him the visions he needs of who to save next, and as he's saving them, she makes sure he isn't lost in the process. She makes certain none of them are lost, and it's not exactly an easy thing to do when you're dealing with a Vampire who wants to die half the time, a babbling girl who spent far too much time in a dimension with Demons to ever really be able to be considered sane, and a guy packing as much attitude as Gunn always does.
Not to mention Wesley Wyndham Pryce, another of her loser exes. Boy, did she ever have bad taste in picking guys after she fell in Sunnydale! But then, there was no guy she ever really wanted after she laid her royal eyes on Angel. None of the others could possibly compare. Xander, Wesley, and the rest were just distractions to keep her making a fool over the one she thought she couldn't have. But Wesley is a good guy, as is Xander, for the most part, and he's an important part of their team, their family even.
It isn't easy, but keeping this family going is the best thing she's ever done. Her hazel eyes glance down at the head of the baby slumbering between herself and her secret love, and she reflects, Okay. Well, maybe second best. Then her eyes raise back to Angel's. She wishes she could tell him. She really does. But keeping them all safe depends on making sure he never has that one moment of pure bliss. Finding out she loves him, that she chooses him above all others (not that there are that many others trying to date her right now, but he doesn't need to know that, and besides, even if there was, none of them could ever measure up to him), would be enough to make many men their happiest.
She owes him the debt of keeping her affections silent, keeping her love unspoken so as to never free Angelus again, and a thousand things more. He is, after all, the reason she's pulled through her chaotic life. Somehow, he's always been around the next corner. He was there when the world was falling apart in Sunnydale and protected her many times, even driving her home once, although he claimed to be the Slayer's and only have eyes for her. Maybe he did. He did die because of her, but that was then.
And this, as they say, is now. They've both changed, but he's always there for her. Just as he was there that first night they met here in L.A. to save her from sacrificing herself to become a big star, he's always been here when she needs him. Well, except if you count that time he fired her and the guys, but she doesn't count that. It was just another time he was trying to save them from him. He's bad about that, but she won't let him do it ever again.
She promised them both when she started falling hard for him again that he'd never have to save them from himself again. She won't let Angelus out. She won't let her best friend become a monster again. She won't let her hero need any more saving than he already does, and what saving he does need she'll always be the one to provide.
She wishes she could say the words, but she can not. She does, however, in this quiet moment shared between them, try to tell him with her meaningful gaze. She loves him, and because she loves him as much as she does, she will protect him, even, and perhaps most especially, from himself. They'll keep his monster caged, but that, too, means they'll have to keep their love caged.
Once again, she glances down at Connor. She swallows the tight ball forming in her throat. She knows this is the only way. He can never know how much she loves him. It's the only way to keep them all safe, to keep his monster in check, and to provide Connor with the future she promised them all he would have.
She could perhaps be dismayed that giving the child a future means limiting her own, but her life, strange and twisting as it is, is already promising her a great and brilliant future. She may never become the big star or Queen she once wanted to be. That isn't important any more. She doesn't even take the time to go on auditions any longer, and a girl can't get the part of a life time without auditioning -- at least not before the world. But she already does have the part of a life time right here in this hotel. She's already got everything she could ever really want. She is whole, and she is Queen again, even if her congregation now is far smaller than it was ever before she started dating that loser, Xander. And these people mean far more to her than her sheep ever did, especially her Angel.
She smiles as she thinks those words. He is her Angel, her hero, and her love, and even if she never tells him, nothing will ever make anything of that any less true. He is her hero, and she, as she's told him in the past, is his Vision Girl. They're a perfect match.
Angel's fingers brush hers where her hand is still holding Connor's bottle. Her eyes flash up at him in surprise. He's smiling so sweetly that it's almost as though he doesn't know what he's doing to her, sending a thousand butterflies fluttering throughout her whole system, but if there's one thing in this life Cordelia Chase knows, it's men, even undead ones. He knows exactly what he's doing to her.
Her heartbeat quickens, and she knows he can hear it. Normally, she frets he'll figure out what she's thinking and how she's truly feeling when he hears the way her heart races when he touches her, but gazing into his eyes tonight, Cordelia suddenly realizes it's too late. He already knows, but he'll never act on it. They have to keep the world safe together. They have to keep each other safe, and baby Connor, too, and the rest of their makeshift family. But he knows she loves him, and he loves her, too.
She beams silently in response, her beautiful face aglow with love and joy. He loves her! They love each other. She is his Queen, he her Knight, and the rest of the world falls away. They may never speak a word of it aloud, but they both know how the other feels. They lay there the rest of the night, loving each other with their eyes until Cordelia finally falls asleep, a big smile still on her face for she is the Queen who rules her kingdom and her Angel forever.
=^.^=
When the fight is finally over, Angel, at first, knows not what else to do. He's been fighting for days that have turned into weeks that have felt like years. He's barely moving, and he's seen so many die. He doesn't even know where to find their bodies, and Illyria's can not be found. He saw his friend be turned to ashes by the dragon, the dragon that was brought here to kill him, to stop him.
Perhaps he should have stopped before it all changed. Perhaps he should have ceased fighting, surrendered himself so that the others could live, but they wouldn't have wanted that. But now he's lost and alone. He doesn't even know where to go, where to turn. Wherever he goes, whatever he does, Angel knows, in the end, he'll just get more people hurt. That's what he does better than anything else; he's a destroyer, not a Savior. He destroys everything good and precious that enters his life.
That's exactly why he shouldn't be surprised to find himself standing where he is now. The rain's still falling. He's soaked to his bones, but he doesn't care. It doesn't matter. Nothing does.
But he knows that's a lie. She's always mattered to him. He's loved her from the first moment she broke before him and he witnessed the true Cordelia Chase. That's why he's come to her again now, when he has nothing else left in this world.
She's not here, he knows. If he digs into that ground, he'll only find a casket with bones that resemble nothing of his beautiful Cordelia. He remembers, with a sad smile beginning to lift his bruised lips, how she used to shine. She was truly the most beautiful thing he'd ever witnessed, and yet, like everything else, good in his life, he destroyed her.
He sinks to the muddy ground on his knees, hands grasping her tombstone. His forehead presses against the cold, hard cement. His shoulders shake, and finally, he begins to cry. Tears fall down his pale face when he'd thought he could not possibly have any more to shed.
The moon sinks. He doesn't move, but the sun also does not rise. The skies remain dark, although the rain finally stopped falling hours ago. He turns his head and presses his cheek against his Princess' tombstone, and suddenly, through the fog, he sees what appears to be a figure. His eyes widen. His mouth opens to speak, but already, she is gone, if, indeed, she was ever there.
Yet, now, he knows what must be done. He made a promise to her, several actually, and although some have been broken, he never intended for that to happen. He intended to keep every one of them. He'll still fight to keep his word to her. Like a Knight of old, he'll rise again and again to follow Her Majesty's orders. He'll do what she asked of him, no matter how much it pains him.
And in the wisp of the wind, where he can not see it, his Queen smiles. There is sorrow in her smile and in her eyes, but still, she smiles. He still loves her, and that love will guide him. It will guide him to the rest of those he needs to save, and, one day, ultimately, it will guide him back to her. I love you, Angel, but you must keep on fighting. She knows he will until, at last, he can lay down his sword at her feet.
She'll wait for that moment, no matter how long it takes him, and when her Knight finally does return to her side, when he finally comes home to her, they'll have eternity. Cordelia smiles, knowing that's the longest any Queen can rule and truly satisfied with a small reign. Even if he is the only one who truly remembers that she is his Princess, if he is the only one to still bow to her when all else is said and done, he's all she can ever want. He keeps her going, even now as a spirit, watching over him and loving him, as always she has, from a distance, but one day, that distance will close.
Cordelia's smile is gracious, kind, and loving. She blows a kiss to him, and the wind rustles his spiky, black hair. She'll wait for him, no matter how long it takes, when before, she would wait for no man. He is the only one for her, and when he comes to her this time, she'll no longer hesitate to tell him how greatly she loves him. They'll no longer have a world to protect. They'll only have each other, but with one another, they'll be complete for all time. Still beaming, she vanishes again before he can spot her, but he feels her invisible kiss on his cheek.
He feels her hand on his shoulder, her reign over him, and he rises to fight again. He may never be human, but that no longer matters. He is her Knight. He will save all he can before he retires to her. He knows she's waiting, but he knows, too, what she wants. He'll save all he can, and the he'll spend eternity where he craves, in the loving arms of his Queen.
The End
