Ace Ventura: Ace/Kat 1/2
Jun. 7th, 2013 05:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Title: "The First Time He Met His 'Demon Woman'"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: PG
Summary:
Disclaimer: Ace Ventura is © & TM his respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Kathleen "Kat" O'Hara and Captain are © & TM Pirate Turner and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
The first time he saw her, he was kicking an already crumpled package in his usual routine on the way to a new target when he spotted her up ahead. She was long and tall and dressed in a black trench coat that swirled around her legs. Her flame red hair hung behind her trench, and the late winter wind whipped it this way and that as she walked. He forgot, for a moment, what he was supposed to be doing as he watched her for her walk reminded him oddly of a cat stalking its prey. What Ace found most intriguing by far, however, was the scraggly tabby cat perched on top of her shoulder. His human looked to be on a mission, and the cat seemed to be sitting at full alert like a Captain at the helm of his ship.
He shook himself as she started to turn a corner and quickly resumed kicking the package. He continued his game, providing both the roles of the players and the narrator as he headed quickly after the redheaded woman. He continued until he was just behind her, then whirled with the package held high and began looking wildly around. "Uh-oh, he's getting cornered now!" he exclaimed for the narrator as he went through the motions of trying to dodge other players. "He's not getting out of this one, but oh, he makes a wild pass and . . . "
The woman never looked up as he threw the package at her, but her fist shot out sideways and right into the box whose contents were already well smashed. The box slapped Ace back into the face. He caught it, held it to him, and just stared at the woman for a moment. She still made no further sign of recognition towards him or the box as she continued on along her business.
He shook his head as he gave himself a mental pep talk and then went after her again. This time, he fell into a brisk pace beside her. He grinned from ear to ear as he began his sales pitch. "Congratulations, ma'am! You are the 100th person to walk by this store without going in, and you've won the prize." He held out the box to her with a huge, silly grin.
She knocked the box out of her way again and still did not bother to look at him. Her voice did finally grace his ears, however. "Whate'er disease ye have, I din't be wantin' it so get the Hell away from me."
"It's not a disease," he countered with what he hoped was a smooth grin. "It's a zest for life, a love for the world around us . . . "
"Good fer ye," she remarked irritably, "but I'm tellin' ye gi back tae whate'er flea-infested hole ye came out o' 'fore'n I send ye straight tae Hell."
He paused for a moment and blinked before looking at her in complete surprise. "How did you know my apartments got fleas? You know, I'm thinking of making a circus with them . . . I love animals, just like the cat on your shoulder there! He's a handsome boy, aren't you?"
The cat's head swiveled so that he was looking at Ace over his shoulder. His green eyes glared fiercely at the Pet Detective. "Get lost, idiot," he snapped, his tail striking the air with the same irritability that his owner had displayed, "before she does send you to Hell."
Ace was so shocked that he stood staring at the couple with his mouth hanging open until they were well out of sight.
The End
Title: "Close Encounters"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: PG
Summary:
Disclaimer: Ace Ventura and Spike are © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Kathleen "Kat" O'Hara and Captain are © & TM Pirate Turner and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
She was standing on a sidewalk at a busy intersection waiting for the traffic to be stopped when it happened. A car sped by, a window rolled down, and two dark hands threw a defenseless kitten out into the rush hour traffic. She screamed in a string of Irish curses and began to run straight to the kitten, ignoring the honking cars, slamming vehicles, cursing drivers, the claws kneading briskly in her shoulder, and the voice of the one she held dearest in the world warning her that it wouldn't do any good to get herself killed in an attempt to rescue only one animal when she could save so many more if she lived. She was half way through the busy highway when a transfer truck barreled just in front of her.
She screamed again in frustration, Irish curse words spilling from her unpainted lips at least a dozen words a second, as the imagined sight of the tiny, gray fuzzball of a kitten being flattened and crushed to death raced through her panicking mind. As the flaps of the transfer truck slapped against the tires as it at last moved out of her way, she started forward again only to stop and stand still in shock. A man dressed in a floral shirt and striped pants was holding the kitten close to his chest while his head snapped this way and that in search of the best way out of the predicament he'd found himself in. A monkey clung to the man's head for dear life, screeching at the top of his lungs. The wind snapped at the man's hair and snatched the words out of his mouth so that she had no hope of hearing what he was saying, but it was his eyes that caught her attention and held her riveted. Panic filled his eyes, but she also saw therein a desperation and determination to save that one, wee kitten that she never would have thought to see in another living human being's eyes.
His eyes suddenly met hers, and the two stood still with frantic animals' panicked cries filling their ears and the varied voices of the cursing multitude of angry drivers swirling around them. "WATCH OUT!" the cat on her shoulder cried, and the redheaded woman leaped out of the way just in time to avoid the car that had been barreling down on her. She turned to look at it, recognized it as the same car that had dropped the poor kitten out of it, and smiled when it suddenly caught a flame.
A scream caught her ears, and the Irish woman whirled around to see the kitten's rescuer about to be run over by a truck. She smiled when the truck, too, caught flame and skidded out into oncoming traffic and he was able to hurry on to the safety of the sidewalk.
Ace Ventura was panting hard when he finally reached the sidewalk. He kept the kitten pressed close against his thin chest as he turned to look back into the traffic. The kitten's heart was hammering like crazy against his fingers, and he could hear Spike's heart hammering just as swiftly against his head. Ace stroked the kitten and murmured reassuring words that no one would ever hurt her again though those words were drowned out by Spike's furry body wrapped around his mouth. As he tried to reassure his animal friends, Ace turned his gaze out to the burning vehicles and the steadily increasing pile-up of a wreck, but the mysterious Irish beauty who he had now seen for a second time was nowhere to be seen.
The End
Title: "Third Time's A Charm"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: PG for language
Summary:
Warnings: Het, Original Characters
Disclaimer: Ace Ventura and Spike are © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Detective Kathleen "Kat" O'Hara, Captain, Jacob, Doctor Catalina Tregarde, and all other characters mentioned within are © & TM Pirate Turner and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
She sat in the corner of the hospital's waiting room, surrounded by loving family, as she cradled a hefty baby in her arms. She shifted his weight slightly and readjusted the bottle. He grasped it eagerly with clumsy hands and drank thirstily. She smiled at the satisfied grunts that came from deep within his throat but then frowned as another of her children coughed and the daughter perched on top of her head sneezed. A moment later, a small, weak voice called, "Polly wanna tissue?"
As a raccoon scrambled up the woman's body to give the sick parrot a Kleenex and help her clean up, Kat turned her gaze to the receptionist. She paid the other two-leggers in the room scantly enough attention to send a silent snarl of warning in their direction. They were clustered on the other side of the room, their beady eyes glaring holes into the small group of her family, and though she would have loved to burn the human lot on the spot, she focused instead, out of respect both for the animals attached to their so-called masters and for the establishment itself, on the curly mophead of the blonde at the desk. "What's takin' so long?" she growled the question on all their minds.
The blonde paused in chewing her gum to roll her eyes and state in a snobbish voice, "I've already told you, Ms. O'Hara, the doctor is busy with an emergency patient."
Kat turned worried eyes to the wicker basket on the floor beside her. Her emerald eyes met the big, chocolate eyes of the yellow Lab who kept watch over the basket's inhabitants. The dog whined softly, her tail tucked between her legs, and Captain meowed quietly into his best friend's ear. "The bandage is nae goin' tae hold much longer."
Kat closed her eyes briefly. She had already known that the blood of her latest rescue would soon start pouring again; he had only confirmed her suspicions. Her green eyes popped back open with renewed determination. The bear cub cried and waved his furry paws in his attempts to hold on to her and the bottle as Kat placed him in the arms of the racoon and beaver who sat beside her. She gave the bottle to an orange cat, who immediately began to feed the cub again, and stood with only the slightest fluttering of the parrot's wings to warn of her change.
Kat spoke to the tiger sprawled between the basket and the other chair; the volume of her whisper did nothing to hide the danger of her words to him. "Let nae one come near 'em, Jacob."
The tiger answered her in a deep rumble, his head resting on his massive paws as his eyes turned to gleam at the humans whose fear wafted to him in a disgusting aroma. "{{{I shall guard them with my life, Mom.}}}"
"I knae." She swept a hand quickly over his furry head in a reminder of her infinite trust in and love for him. Trusting Jacob to protect the rest of their family, Kat lifted the basket and turned to the door that led back to the operating area. She strode toward it with fire dancing in her emerald eyes.
"Ma'am, ma'am, you can't go back there!" The receptionist hurried to try to block her, but the redhead's next words stopped the blonde cold in her tracks and stunned her so that her gum burst over her face.
"Gi tae Hell, bitch. I gi where I want tae. Try to stop me, an' ye'll end up in an early grave. Did nae Cat warn ye nae to piss me off?"
"Who . . . are . . . you?" the dumb-founded blonde asked from around her spattered wad of gum.
Kat rolled her eyes at the temp's ignorance. "Detective Kat Tregarde." She heard the girl's sharp intake of breath as she kicked her way through the closed door. "Next time read the damn sign in sheet, idiot." She dismissed the blonde's startled, weak reply of "Yes, ma'am," as she continued on in her search for the doctor.
When she found her, Cat was covered in blood up to her elbows as she fought to stop the massive bleeding of a bull elephant who'd recently had a tusk removed. Kat nearly dropped the basket in her surprise, and then her mouth fell open as she caught a clear shot of the scrawny man who was helping her. He was covered in even more blood than the doc, his Hawaiian shirt and striped pants stained a deep, dark crimson. He caught a glance at her at the same time. "What th' Hell is he doin' 'ere?" Kat demanded as he simultaneously asked the same question about her.
Catalina Tregarde looked to the startled pair with slyness tingeing her blue eyes. "Same as you, Kat: saving an animal. He was a bit late with this beg fellow here, but we'll get him through, especially now that you're here to help."
"She's going to help?" the man questioned even as Kat set the basket down and hurried forward.
"Yes, Ventura, if you want him to live."
Ace hushed but watched the strange yet beautiful woman the entire time they worked vigilantly to save the elephant's life. He was amazed by the way even her tabby cat did his best to help. By the time they had stopped the bleeding, all four were soaked with blood but none let it bother them or even slow them in the least.
When at last the elephant slept soundly, Ace stuck his blood-covered hand out to the gorgeous redhead. "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective."
Kat stared long and hard at the man who seemed to have electricity coursing through his veins, judging from the bolts that had shot through her the few times he had brushed against her. She then turned her back to him, leaving him with his hand still extended, and refocused her attention on Tregarde. "I've got an injured wolf an' a parrot wit' a cold. Samson's neeedin' his checkup, an' Jacob needs his annual eye exam. Where ye want us?"
Cat stifled a sigh as she reached out and gently touched Ace's hand as it curled defensively into a fist. She knew it would do no good to try to convince Kat of Ace's goodness and many other fine attributes, even though the doctor knew the two were made for each other and had been looking forward to their meeting for a long time now. "Let him rest for now, Ace. I'll be back shortly." She walked away, wishing that Kat would ask at least half the questions about Ace that she knew he would about her. She could see his new love clearly in his eyes, but she knew, to Kat, he was just another human who she would never be convinced laid his life on the line for animals, out of love for them with no thought to money, just as much as she did.
Ace lingered behind in the huge operating room, feeling awfully small, his eyes still glued to the spot where he had last seen the magnificent Irish beauty called Kat long after she had vanished from his sight. Spike finally came out of hiding and clambered up his shoulder. Ace raised a hand to his little friend as he asked dreamily, "Did you see her?"
The monkey chattered back at him.
"I know you're right. She is dangerous," he lamented. "But wow, what a woman!"
The End
Title: "Four Fallen"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: PG-13
Summary:
Warnings: Het, Death
Disclaimer: Ace Ventura and Spike are © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Detective Kathleen "Kat" O'Hara, Captain, Jacob, Doctor Catalina Tregarde, and all other characters mentioned within are © & TM Pirate Turner and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
He had searched for her throughout the city, kept his eyes peeled through every mission and every trip, searched every face in every shop and apartment building, but yet the place he found her at long last was the last place he would have never thought to look. She was kneeling on the side of the road, her black car parked several yards behind her with its lights still on. His first thought, as he slammed on his brakes, was that she had been hurt, but then, even as he all but snatched his car to the side of the road, he reminded himself how ridiculous a notion that was. If she was what he suspected, very little could harm her, if anything. She was a most formidable woman; formidable, strong, dangerous, and breath-takingly beautiful, he thought the last as he noticed how the golden rays of the early morning sun shone upon her fiery red hair until it almost seemed to spin into a glorious life of its own.
His eyes strayed from her hair to the three small fires that burned just in front of her. His forehead creased, he wondered if her anger could have at last cost her and hoped it had not. He flung open his door and barely glanced for traffic before walking swiftly toward her. She was chanting softly in a foreign language he did not recognize but silenced as soon as he began to approach her. She raised her head, and he was shocked to see tears shimmering in her emerald eyes as she looked him. "I did nae kill 'em."
"I didn't say you did," he countered, his pace slowing as he eyed her warily. He wondered, for the first time, if she might be telepathic.
"They were . . . here on the pathway this mornin'." She shouldn't have broken down like this, she reprimanded herself angrily, not out in the open where any one or anything could see her weakness. Nae, she corrected herself, showing passion, even with tears, for animals was never a weakness; that was one of the most important lessons her beloved grandfather had taught her. Still, for this ignorant, little cábúnach to have caught her crying . . .
"The pathway?" Ace questioned, breaking into her thoughts with one raised eyebrow.
She nodded as a part of her wondered why she was even bothering to talk to this human. She had no need to explain herself to any one now that the only humans she'd ever cared for were dead. "I drive th' roads e'ery morn'. This family was . . . They became . . . " It shouldn't be this hard to talk, to concentrate pass the thought of a family of three being slaughtered, yet her eyes kept drifting back to their makeshift funeral pyres and her mind continued to run in circles. She snarled suddenly, her emerald eyes flashing, and he gulped nervously as he saw flames dancing therein. "I should've been here. I should've killed th' bloody . . . "
She stopped suddenly, and her fierce gaze rose to him. Ace felt as though, with but a gaze, she simultaneously stripped him and burned straight through his skin. He paled, gulped again, and tried to speak, but no words would come to his frightened tongue.
"Why th' Hell am I talkin' tae ye? I din't owe ye or any one any explanation." Her fire burned within her eyes.
"I . . . hum . . . I . . . I stopped to . . . to . . . "
"Tae what?" she countered. "Tae help? Th' day I need a human's help," she snarled, her upper lip curling in emotions that he could not determine whether they were stronger in anger or disgust, "is th' day I send me own self tae the grave. Get outta here 'fore'n I light up yer life."
"You already did that," he blustered.
Her eyes flashed, and a chill raced through him. "I have nae yet, but I could very easily." A fireball formed in the palm of her hand, and she tossed it up and down. "Din't push yer luck, Ventura. Jest because ye have some animals an' Tregarde fooled din't mean ye've got me fooled. Ye're just another damn human, an' I haven't fired yer ass yet fer their honor, but ye keep pushin' yer luck, ye'll end up nothin' but soot."
Ace felt his heart dropping pass his shoes. He wanted to argue with her, but his eyes were glued to her fireball. She was exactly the fiery bitch he had expected, and the thought of what she could do to him scared him more than anything else he'd ever faced before. "O-o-o-o-o-o-o-okaaaaaay," he ground out slowly. He backed up then, never taking his eyes from her, and returned to his car, but before he could shut his door, his tongue got the better of him. "Remind me not to screw with crazy bitches before they've had their morning coffee, Spike."
Kat raised her fireball, but Captain's frantic mew as he raced from the open car window to her side and the sight of the monkey chattering madly on the back of Ace's seat caused her to vanish the fireball. She sighed and kicked herself as she let him speed away. She'd have to kill him now that she'd slipped up and told him her secret, but she couldn't do it as long as it risked the life of even one animal. "Bloody bastard," she hissed.
Ace's mind whirled fearfully at first, but though his brain soon calmed, his heart continued to pound within his thin chest. Four had fallen, he reflected sadly. Three had been killed on the blood-thirsty highway by careless, heartless humans, but one had fallen victim to something that might well prove to be even more dangerous. That one was him.
"You've gotta stay away from her, Ventura," he told himself sternly, but even as Spike, his constant companion, chattered his firm agreement, he thought with a mixture of dread and excitement, that that probably wasn't going to be possible. After all, the world might be big, but it wasn't big enough for two Pet Detectives to keep from bumping into each other.
He could only hope he'd continue to survive their encounters, but as he drove away, he couldn't help leaving a tiny piece of his heart with the redheaded lass who was anything but a damsel in distress. The vision of her emerald green eyes clouded with tears haunted him, and his fingers curled tightly around his steering wheel as he longed to be able to wipe those tears away. He sighed deeply with regret, knowing that the proud, brave, and beautiful woman would probably never let him but aching to nonetheless.
The End
Title: "Full Moon Rising"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: PG
Summary:
Warnings: Het
Disclaimer: Ace Ventura and Spike are © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Detective Kathleen "Kat" O'Hara, Captain, Doctor Catalina Tregarde, and all other characters mentioned within are © & TM Pirate Turner and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Ace's head was hanging out the window when he pulled into the lane turning into the little gas station. He was about to turn in when the vehicles in the lot suddenly started flying out. "Damn humans," Ace muttered underneath his breath. "Never watch where they're going. Good way to kill somebody."
He sat still in the turning lane as vehicle after vehicle sped by. Some of the drivers blew their horns and others shouted words that he could not make out for the pounding headache makers they called music. Finally, in exasperation, Ace gave Spike the wheel and hefted himself up into the driver's seat. Turning his back to the window, he dropped his striped pants and let them all know exactly what he thought of them.
When at long last the lot was empty save two stationary cars, Ace pulled his pants up, zipped, refastened his belt, and sat back down. His hands grasped the wheel, but Spike chattered at him. The monkey told him, in no uncertain terms, that Ace had had his fun and it was his turn. Let him spook whatever human idiots remained in the lot. Besides, Ace had been driving for hours. When was he going to give him a turn?
With a shrug, Ace laid back in the seat and only worked the pedals as Spike drove their battered car into the parking lot. Ace waited a few moments, but no pointing, screaming, or hollering humans appeared. When Spike spoke up in disappointment, he lovingly ruffled the fur on top of his head and told him, "That's all right, boy. You'll get 'em next time."
As he straightened up and his head became level with the open windows once more, a scent caught his nose. He sniffed and then sniffed some more. His mouth watered. His hands itched for play. "Somebody's playing," he declared in his trademark slow, dramatic, and mischievous way, "with catnip!" His eyes bugged as he popped the door open, slipped to the edge of the car, and stood up, still sniffing the air frantically.
Who would be playing with catnip here? Was there a cat somewhere who needed help? But they couldn't possibly need too much help if they had catnip. Surely this wasn't one of those rare locations where catnip grew wild?
A sudden bark caused Ace to stick his head back into the car. "Yes?" he asked, looking at the Great Dane in his backseat. "What is it?"
They exchanged a few barks, and Ace looked to the car parked in the next parking space. "My, oh, my, it is!" he exclaimed, a dangerous light coming on in his brown eyes. "It is a tiger!"
Who would have a tiger here? he wondered as he jumped out of his car, leaving the door hanging wide open. Had the innocent animal been trapped overseas and brought here to be the pet of some rich snob to make them look cool, or were they indentured to another, far worse kind of slavery?
But as Ace drew nearer to the tiger, he realized two things. One, the big cat was smiling and, though his eyes were partially glazed, he either was not in any danger or did not recognize the present danger. Two, the delightfully intoxicating scent of catnip was coming from the sleek, black machine the tiger rode in, a vehicle, Ace was quickly realizing as he examined it more closely, the likes of which he'd never seen before.
He could see other animals in the car now, as well. A parakeet and parrot were dancing in the rear view window, fluffing out their feathers and showing off their best maneuvers. A raccoon had draped his tail through one of the hand holds and was swinging from his tail, his velvet, black paws reaching through the air for nothing in particular. Something green with a shell swam in a bucket of water behind the passenger seat; Ace hoped it was only a turtle. A couple of squirrels and a chipmunk were busy digging into an ashtray container, pulling out nuts, and stuffing their little mouths full. A golden Labrador lay curled in the back seat, appearing to somehow sleep through the raucous all the other animals were making.
Ace had almost reached the tiger when a gnashing mouth of sharp, glistening teeth flew at him. He jumped back, more out of surprise than fear. He heard a voice calm the dog, who he could see was a poodle as he settled down, and his eyebrows shot up. He smiled. Of course, only one other besides himself would have such a menagerie!
"Hi there, friend," he greeted the tiger, choosing to ignore the car's driver for the moment. He let the great cat sniff his hand before stroking his head. The tiger bumped his head against Ace's hand, immediately seeking more of his gentle touch.
"What di ye want, Ventura?"
Ace looked up and into the emerald eyes reflected in the side mirror. They seemed to glow with a fury that he met with a huge grin. "Ah, Kat! Beautiful, wicked Kat!"
"I'm nae giin' tae ask ye again, Ventura. Tell me quick 'fore'n I lose me patience."
{Patience? What patience?} Ace thought, but he bravely met the surly tone with his most charming smile. "Is this a private party or can any one join?"
"Who said it 'twas a party?" she growled, and he knew immediately he'd chosen the wrong line.
A puff of smoke exhaled from the car, and Ace felt a stab of disappointment. "You smoke?"
"Ye t'ink I need tae ask yer permission, boyo?"
Ace grimaced. He was coming close to working up the wrong kind of fire out of the beautiful redhead.
"No, I . . . " He inched closer to the tiger, knowing she'd never throw fire at him if he was close to an animal. "I . . . hum . . . "
"Spit it out," she hissed, her eyes flashing.
"I just didn't think you'd do anything that's bad for the Environment, that's all."
She smirked around the cigar he could now see in her mouth. "'Tis isn't." She paused a brief moment before adding, "Nae that I need tae explain meself tae ye." So why was she? she wondered. Why didn't she just pull out of here with such speed that he was sent sprawling back on his rear end? She might crunch his feet underneath her tires. The thought should have brought a grin; it didn't.
"How can it not be bad for you -- " he coughed quickly, knowing that was the wrong direction to take " -- for the animals? Second hand smoke kills."
Kat drilled her fingernails against the car door, and Ace gulped as he looked down and saw tiny sparks coming off of them. Quickly, he tried to change the subject. "I smell catnip."
"'Course ye di," she growled from around the cigar.
Ace peered into the front seat in search of the nip. Several felines were rolling the dark substance in the passenger seat. Even her Captain, who he knew was the head of her animals just as Spike was his own leader, seemed rather lightheaded as he swayed back and forth on top of the seat.
Kat reached up and pulled him down into her lap with gentle hands. "Easy, laddie," she spoke, and Ace couldn't help noticing the difference in her tone. When she spoke to him, she always sounded angry, fierce, ready and beyond willing to smite the world, but now, as she spoke to Captain, her voice was low, soft, and remarkably close to a purr. Her words shot straight to him, and Ace wished she'd speak to him like that just once as warmth filled his loins. She was a beautiful woman, strong, smart, and obviously so loving, so why couldn't she share just a bit of that love with him? Why did she have to look at him like she did every other human . . . and hate him just as viciously?
Smoke exited the car again, and Ace leaned in to give it a testing sniff. "You're smoking catnip!" he exclaimed, and an abrupt bark of laughter greeted his ears. He smiled down at her from where he now stood just slightly behind her window, his hands still stroking the tiger as her own did the tabby tomcat in her lap.
"I have tae give it tae ye, Ventura," she remarked, her tone finally losing some of her anger. "Ye're smarter'n ye look."
"Thank you, ma'am," he said with a flourishing bow. With one arm still tucked underneath his bowed body, Ace looked hopefully up. "Can I have one?" Questions flew through his mind, as he found they often did when he was confronted with this remarkable woman, but he dared not speak any of them for he knew she'd never give up her secrets.
"Why should I waste a cigar on ye?" Kat asked, her lips twisting into a sarcastic smile around her blunt.
"Because I rescue animals too." It was the first thing he could think of and the only thing, he knew, that stood any chance of making her like him even just a tiny bit.
"So ye say," she retorted, clearly unimpressed.
"And so does Doctor Tregarde," he reminded her.
"Aye, or at least, ye have 'er fooled."
"She rescues too. I know you know that," he asked, "so why can't you believe that there's another person out here fighting to save them?"
Kat finally turned to look up with a quirked brow. Ace gulped and prayed she wouldn't fireball him. "Ye've got th' wrong thing swingin' between yer legs tae . . . "
"You've never known a good man?"
She paused, mouth still open to condemn him.
"You've never known of another man who loves animals, who would sacrifice his life to save them?" His fingers curled around the top of her car door, and for a moment, Kat's eyes seemed distant, as though she were a million miles away from the one spot they currently shared.
He reached inside the car. "You've never known of a man who could . . . "
Her hands trembled as she suddenly cranked the car. Her eyes were hard again when she looked up, but something seemed to lurk just behind them. Ace fervently wished he could somehow learn what that something was even as she snapped, "We've got tae gi." His hand was still on her door as she started to pull out.
Believing she'd not hesitate in running over his feet, Ace reluctantly pulled back and watched her exit. She paused once she was out of the parking space and looked back at him. Her eyes still did not seem as hard or as fierce as they normally did, and Ace wished she'd let him in. He could prove to her that a man could be good. He could show her that a man could love not only animals but her, as well, and spend every waking moment of his life striving to protect them all. He could love her. He knew he could.
"Ventura?"
His head snapped up at the sound of his name. "Yes?" he asked, the word a mere breath, and he kicked himself mentally for showing any sign of the emotions that were rolling within him, any sign of anything she'd take to be a weakness.
She threw something at him. He caught it nimbly but did not look at it. He couldn't seem to be able to pull his eyes away from her emerald orbs, but then she turned away from him, as he reminded himself she probably always would, and peeled out. He watched her go, feeling utterly helpless, a feeling he hated more than anything else.
Gradually, Spike's chattering called to him, and Ace looked down to see what he held. He grinned at the sight of the blunt and twirled it triumphantly around in his fingers. Maybe she did like him a little bit, after all! He gave his victory cry as he returned to his car but then quickly remembered he had no lighter and, with a sigh, trudged on into the convenience store.
The End
Title: "Where Love Never Ends"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: R
Summary:
Warnings: Het
Word Count (excluding header): 1,538
Disclaimer: Ace Ventura and Spike are © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Detective Kathleen "Kat" O'Hara, Captain, Doctor Catalina Tregarde, and all other characters mentioned within are © & TM Pirate Turner and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
She was stalking the streets, listening for the slightest sound of danger, her whole body on full alert, when she rounded the corner and came face to face with him. "What are ye diin' here?" she demanded, her emerald eyes flashing.
"What's it look like?" he countered, just as surprised as she was. "Spike and I are out for a stroll."
"Capt'n an' I tae."
"I keep meaning to ask you, why do you call the cat Captain?"
The cat in question lifted his head from the redhead's shoulder and zeroed his unwavering, unblinking attention on to the Pet Detective. "Because it is the cat's name." His voice edged on a snarl. He hated it when humans thought that the cats they talked about could no more hear them than they could answer them. Ace's double take brought a small, quiet purr from the old tabby.
"I forgot he could do that," Ace murmured sheepishly, still blushing.
"Forget it again," Kat snarled and started to walk pass him.
Ace walked backwards, keeping the beautiful redhead in full sight. "I'd think a beautiful babe like you would have something better to do on Halloween night than walking."
Kat snarled first at Ace and then at a bunch of kids who ran by in colorful costumes, shouting at the top of their lungs. Ace glowered after the noisy children, as well, but quickly returned his attention to the Irish woman who seemed to captivate so much of his thoughts lately. "So what are you doing walking the roads?"
"Lookin' fer trouble," she growled.
"You mean you actually have to look for it?" Ace questioned, eyes wide in amazement. "It always finds me!"
"Stick around," she growled. "More'll find ye."
"Thanks for the invitation," he said, bouncing into step beside her and grinning.
"It 'twas nae an invitation," she hissed, green eyes wide and pupils narrowed in disbelieving anger at his foolishery.
"Then what was it?" Ace skipped beside her.
Kat whirled on him, her emerald eyes flashing so dangerously that they almost seemed to glow in the dark night. "It 'twas a warning, ye bloody -- "
She forgot what she was saying suddenly, forgot all else but the sudden mewling cry that drowned out all her other thoughts. She whirled as the sound of clanging cans, hurried footsteps, and a crying feline suddenly came rushing up at the small group from out of a dark alley way. The black feline, who could not possibly have been more than six months old, was first out of the alley. Ace dropped to his knees as the kitten shot pass Kat and grabbed the frightened baby. His cooing voice and gentle hands slowly began to calm the kitten, but Kat ignored them except for only the swiftest glance to make certain the kitten was not lost for his pursuers were hot on his tiny heels.
When the three, skinny teenage boys rounded the corner, they stopped in shock. A brunette man in Bahamas clothing knelt, hugging the kitten, while a monkey jumped up and down beside his scrawny knees, shaking a fist and chattering angrily at them. But it was the redhead in the lead who filled them with dread with but just one look. Deadly power seemed to roll off of her in waves as the night wind whipped at her long, fiery hair. Her emerald eyes were glowing like a cat's, and she hissed at them at the same time the tabby cat now perched atop her shoulder hissed.
Gaelic words spat out of Kat's mouth as she raised two glowing hands, with their fingers curled in the boys' direction, and let rip. Fireballs blasted into each boy's stomachs and exploded throughout them. It was only after their ashes were raining down that Kat heard Ace's shout.
She turned, her anger beginning to fade from her eyes and be replaced by another emotion she refused to name. He was a helper and rescuer of animals. She could no longer deny that after her many conversations with Catalina, their continued run-ins, and now the way he cradled the whimpering kitten to his thin chest and ever so gently worked with Spike to untie the cans from around the kitten's paws and tail.
Kat sighed. It didn't matter what Ace was, or why the fool was still grinning even now. What did matter was that he was now a witness to her taking the lives of those who would prey upon the only true innocents that still lived in their world. His discovery that she could form fireballs and her threats were one thing, but this could not be ignored or overlooked. As always, she had to do what she had to do. "'Tis a shame ye had tae see that, boyo."
Ace's huge smile vanished at the tone of Kat's voice and the regret and determination that shone in her eyes. "W-Wh -- " He swallowed hard, licked his lips, and tried again. "Why?" he managed to squeak out.
"Because," Kat spoke slowly as her fingertips began to glow, "ye saw too much."
"I already knew," he told her, and her jaw slackened and eyes widened in surprise.
"What di ye mean ye already knew?" Her heartbeat quickened. How could he have known, for certain, that she was a killer? Many people made idle threats against another when angered. Had he known all this time?! Who had he told?
"Well, I didn't know exactly that you were killing them, but I had a pretty good idea, especially after you threatened me that time, but it turns out I'm right." He looked up at her, his amazement shining clearly on his face. "That was wonderful how you took care of them! They'll never hurt anybody ever again, and they got what they deserved!"
"W-Wonderful?" Kat stammered in surprise. Her mouth hung partially open.
Ace nodded slowly and, carefully holding the kitten protectively to his body, got to his feet. It was his turn to sigh heavily. "I was afraid this day would come." He lifted his chin to look her in the eyes. "Do it if you really think you have to, but know this. I think it's amazing what you're doing! I wish I could fry the assholes!"
Kat's mouth literally dropped open, and Ace grinned and stepped closer. "You," he continued, "are the most beautiful, amazing, angriest, deadliest woman I've ever met, and you've got to have the biggest heart even though I can't seem to work my way into it! You amaze me, Kat!" His eyes spoke the truth of his words, shining with complete and utter adoration, and Kat suddenly found it extremely hard to breathe.
"I've spent my entire life working to save the animals, doing what little I could to help every one of them I've met, and dreaming that one day I might meet somebody who has the same dream of protecting all of them that I do, but I'd come to think I'd never get lucky enough to meet a person like that, let alone a woman. Everything you do rocks my world, Kat!"
The entire time he had been talking, Ace had been moving closer to Kat until he now stood directly in front of her, his mouth angled above hers only a fraction of an inch away. Everything he'd said sounded so much like herself and like words she'd dreamed once, a long time ago, to hear coming from a handsome, good man that his voice had held her riveted. His sudden use of slang, however, brought her screeching back to reality. She blinked several times, fighting to shake off the surprise, then looked at his angling, pursed lips with eyes round and wide with shock.
Pulling herself together and knowing the kitten was in good hands, Kat exclaimed, "Keep dreamin'!", turned away, and broke into a run.
"Wait!" Ace called, but the trick or treaters were coming again. The children knocked into him, sending him spinning. Spike screeched and leapt to his shoulder just before they could stampede over him. Ace lost count of how many kids hit him, but when at last they were gone and he recovered whilst clinging to a lamp post, he realized that, just as he'd dreaded, Spike and he were alone again save for their kitten friend.
Slowly releasing the post, he stroked the kitten's matted fur reassuringly. "It's all right, little guy. You're with friends now, and we'll never let anybody hurt you again."
But he himself was hurting, though he refused to admit it. He'd dreamed of wooing Kat, run the words over and over again through his mind before actually using them on her. Where had he gone wrong? Spike chittered and rubbed Ace's neck reassuringly. Oh, well, there would be a next time, Ventura told himself determinedly. He and Kat had bumped into each other so many times now that they must be written in the stars.
Spike chattered again, rubbing against Ace's head, and Ace answered him. "Yeah, Happy Halloween to you too." He then grinned down at the kitten. "And Happy Halloween to you, baby." He felt like he'd gotten tricked, but he would give the kitten the best treat he was capable of providing: a home where the love never ran low.
The End
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: PG
Summary:
Disclaimer: Ace Ventura is © & TM his respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Kathleen "Kat" O'Hara and Captain are © & TM Pirate Turner and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
The first time he saw her, he was kicking an already crumpled package in his usual routine on the way to a new target when he spotted her up ahead. She was long and tall and dressed in a black trench coat that swirled around her legs. Her flame red hair hung behind her trench, and the late winter wind whipped it this way and that as she walked. He forgot, for a moment, what he was supposed to be doing as he watched her for her walk reminded him oddly of a cat stalking its prey. What Ace found most intriguing by far, however, was the scraggly tabby cat perched on top of her shoulder. His human looked to be on a mission, and the cat seemed to be sitting at full alert like a Captain at the helm of his ship.
He shook himself as she started to turn a corner and quickly resumed kicking the package. He continued his game, providing both the roles of the players and the narrator as he headed quickly after the redheaded woman. He continued until he was just behind her, then whirled with the package held high and began looking wildly around. "Uh-oh, he's getting cornered now!" he exclaimed for the narrator as he went through the motions of trying to dodge other players. "He's not getting out of this one, but oh, he makes a wild pass and . . . "
The woman never looked up as he threw the package at her, but her fist shot out sideways and right into the box whose contents were already well smashed. The box slapped Ace back into the face. He caught it, held it to him, and just stared at the woman for a moment. She still made no further sign of recognition towards him or the box as she continued on along her business.
He shook his head as he gave himself a mental pep talk and then went after her again. This time, he fell into a brisk pace beside her. He grinned from ear to ear as he began his sales pitch. "Congratulations, ma'am! You are the 100th person to walk by this store without going in, and you've won the prize." He held out the box to her with a huge, silly grin.
She knocked the box out of her way again and still did not bother to look at him. Her voice did finally grace his ears, however. "Whate'er disease ye have, I din't be wantin' it so get the Hell away from me."
"It's not a disease," he countered with what he hoped was a smooth grin. "It's a zest for life, a love for the world around us . . . "
"Good fer ye," she remarked irritably, "but I'm tellin' ye gi back tae whate'er flea-infested hole ye came out o' 'fore'n I send ye straight tae Hell."
He paused for a moment and blinked before looking at her in complete surprise. "How did you know my apartments got fleas? You know, I'm thinking of making a circus with them . . . I love animals, just like the cat on your shoulder there! He's a handsome boy, aren't you?"
The cat's head swiveled so that he was looking at Ace over his shoulder. His green eyes glared fiercely at the Pet Detective. "Get lost, idiot," he snapped, his tail striking the air with the same irritability that his owner had displayed, "before she does send you to Hell."
Ace was so shocked that he stood staring at the couple with his mouth hanging open until they were well out of sight.
The End
Title: "Close Encounters"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: PG
Summary:
Disclaimer: Ace Ventura and Spike are © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Kathleen "Kat" O'Hara and Captain are © & TM Pirate Turner and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
She was standing on a sidewalk at a busy intersection waiting for the traffic to be stopped when it happened. A car sped by, a window rolled down, and two dark hands threw a defenseless kitten out into the rush hour traffic. She screamed in a string of Irish curses and began to run straight to the kitten, ignoring the honking cars, slamming vehicles, cursing drivers, the claws kneading briskly in her shoulder, and the voice of the one she held dearest in the world warning her that it wouldn't do any good to get herself killed in an attempt to rescue only one animal when she could save so many more if she lived. She was half way through the busy highway when a transfer truck barreled just in front of her.
She screamed again in frustration, Irish curse words spilling from her unpainted lips at least a dozen words a second, as the imagined sight of the tiny, gray fuzzball of a kitten being flattened and crushed to death raced through her panicking mind. As the flaps of the transfer truck slapped against the tires as it at last moved out of her way, she started forward again only to stop and stand still in shock. A man dressed in a floral shirt and striped pants was holding the kitten close to his chest while his head snapped this way and that in search of the best way out of the predicament he'd found himself in. A monkey clung to the man's head for dear life, screeching at the top of his lungs. The wind snapped at the man's hair and snatched the words out of his mouth so that she had no hope of hearing what he was saying, but it was his eyes that caught her attention and held her riveted. Panic filled his eyes, but she also saw therein a desperation and determination to save that one, wee kitten that she never would have thought to see in another living human being's eyes.
His eyes suddenly met hers, and the two stood still with frantic animals' panicked cries filling their ears and the varied voices of the cursing multitude of angry drivers swirling around them. "WATCH OUT!" the cat on her shoulder cried, and the redheaded woman leaped out of the way just in time to avoid the car that had been barreling down on her. She turned to look at it, recognized it as the same car that had dropped the poor kitten out of it, and smiled when it suddenly caught a flame.
A scream caught her ears, and the Irish woman whirled around to see the kitten's rescuer about to be run over by a truck. She smiled when the truck, too, caught flame and skidded out into oncoming traffic and he was able to hurry on to the safety of the sidewalk.
Ace Ventura was panting hard when he finally reached the sidewalk. He kept the kitten pressed close against his thin chest as he turned to look back into the traffic. The kitten's heart was hammering like crazy against his fingers, and he could hear Spike's heart hammering just as swiftly against his head. Ace stroked the kitten and murmured reassuring words that no one would ever hurt her again though those words were drowned out by Spike's furry body wrapped around his mouth. As he tried to reassure his animal friends, Ace turned his gaze out to the burning vehicles and the steadily increasing pile-up of a wreck, but the mysterious Irish beauty who he had now seen for a second time was nowhere to be seen.
The End
Title: "Third Time's A Charm"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: PG for language
Summary:
Warnings: Het, Original Characters
Disclaimer: Ace Ventura and Spike are © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Detective Kathleen "Kat" O'Hara, Captain, Jacob, Doctor Catalina Tregarde, and all other characters mentioned within are © & TM Pirate Turner and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
She sat in the corner of the hospital's waiting room, surrounded by loving family, as she cradled a hefty baby in her arms. She shifted his weight slightly and readjusted the bottle. He grasped it eagerly with clumsy hands and drank thirstily. She smiled at the satisfied grunts that came from deep within his throat but then frowned as another of her children coughed and the daughter perched on top of her head sneezed. A moment later, a small, weak voice called, "Polly wanna tissue?"
As a raccoon scrambled up the woman's body to give the sick parrot a Kleenex and help her clean up, Kat turned her gaze to the receptionist. She paid the other two-leggers in the room scantly enough attention to send a silent snarl of warning in their direction. They were clustered on the other side of the room, their beady eyes glaring holes into the small group of her family, and though she would have loved to burn the human lot on the spot, she focused instead, out of respect both for the animals attached to their so-called masters and for the establishment itself, on the curly mophead of the blonde at the desk. "What's takin' so long?" she growled the question on all their minds.
The blonde paused in chewing her gum to roll her eyes and state in a snobbish voice, "I've already told you, Ms. O'Hara, the doctor is busy with an emergency patient."
Kat turned worried eyes to the wicker basket on the floor beside her. Her emerald eyes met the big, chocolate eyes of the yellow Lab who kept watch over the basket's inhabitants. The dog whined softly, her tail tucked between her legs, and Captain meowed quietly into his best friend's ear. "The bandage is nae goin' tae hold much longer."
Kat closed her eyes briefly. She had already known that the blood of her latest rescue would soon start pouring again; he had only confirmed her suspicions. Her green eyes popped back open with renewed determination. The bear cub cried and waved his furry paws in his attempts to hold on to her and the bottle as Kat placed him in the arms of the racoon and beaver who sat beside her. She gave the bottle to an orange cat, who immediately began to feed the cub again, and stood with only the slightest fluttering of the parrot's wings to warn of her change.
Kat spoke to the tiger sprawled between the basket and the other chair; the volume of her whisper did nothing to hide the danger of her words to him. "Let nae one come near 'em, Jacob."
The tiger answered her in a deep rumble, his head resting on his massive paws as his eyes turned to gleam at the humans whose fear wafted to him in a disgusting aroma. "{{{I shall guard them with my life, Mom.}}}"
"I knae." She swept a hand quickly over his furry head in a reminder of her infinite trust in and love for him. Trusting Jacob to protect the rest of their family, Kat lifted the basket and turned to the door that led back to the operating area. She strode toward it with fire dancing in her emerald eyes.
"Ma'am, ma'am, you can't go back there!" The receptionist hurried to try to block her, but the redhead's next words stopped the blonde cold in her tracks and stunned her so that her gum burst over her face.
"Gi tae Hell, bitch. I gi where I want tae. Try to stop me, an' ye'll end up in an early grave. Did nae Cat warn ye nae to piss me off?"
"Who . . . are . . . you?" the dumb-founded blonde asked from around her spattered wad of gum.
Kat rolled her eyes at the temp's ignorance. "Detective Kat Tregarde." She heard the girl's sharp intake of breath as she kicked her way through the closed door. "Next time read the damn sign in sheet, idiot." She dismissed the blonde's startled, weak reply of "Yes, ma'am," as she continued on in her search for the doctor.
When she found her, Cat was covered in blood up to her elbows as she fought to stop the massive bleeding of a bull elephant who'd recently had a tusk removed. Kat nearly dropped the basket in her surprise, and then her mouth fell open as she caught a clear shot of the scrawny man who was helping her. He was covered in even more blood than the doc, his Hawaiian shirt and striped pants stained a deep, dark crimson. He caught a glance at her at the same time. "What th' Hell is he doin' 'ere?" Kat demanded as he simultaneously asked the same question about her.
Catalina Tregarde looked to the startled pair with slyness tingeing her blue eyes. "Same as you, Kat: saving an animal. He was a bit late with this beg fellow here, but we'll get him through, especially now that you're here to help."
"She's going to help?" the man questioned even as Kat set the basket down and hurried forward.
"Yes, Ventura, if you want him to live."
Ace hushed but watched the strange yet beautiful woman the entire time they worked vigilantly to save the elephant's life. He was amazed by the way even her tabby cat did his best to help. By the time they had stopped the bleeding, all four were soaked with blood but none let it bother them or even slow them in the least.
When at last the elephant slept soundly, Ace stuck his blood-covered hand out to the gorgeous redhead. "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective."
Kat stared long and hard at the man who seemed to have electricity coursing through his veins, judging from the bolts that had shot through her the few times he had brushed against her. She then turned her back to him, leaving him with his hand still extended, and refocused her attention on Tregarde. "I've got an injured wolf an' a parrot wit' a cold. Samson's neeedin' his checkup, an' Jacob needs his annual eye exam. Where ye want us?"
Cat stifled a sigh as she reached out and gently touched Ace's hand as it curled defensively into a fist. She knew it would do no good to try to convince Kat of Ace's goodness and many other fine attributes, even though the doctor knew the two were made for each other and had been looking forward to their meeting for a long time now. "Let him rest for now, Ace. I'll be back shortly." She walked away, wishing that Kat would ask at least half the questions about Ace that she knew he would about her. She could see his new love clearly in his eyes, but she knew, to Kat, he was just another human who she would never be convinced laid his life on the line for animals, out of love for them with no thought to money, just as much as she did.
Ace lingered behind in the huge operating room, feeling awfully small, his eyes still glued to the spot where he had last seen the magnificent Irish beauty called Kat long after she had vanished from his sight. Spike finally came out of hiding and clambered up his shoulder. Ace raised a hand to his little friend as he asked dreamily, "Did you see her?"
The monkey chattered back at him.
"I know you're right. She is dangerous," he lamented. "But wow, what a woman!"
The End
Title: "Four Fallen"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: PG-13
Summary:
Warnings: Het, Death
Disclaimer: Ace Ventura and Spike are © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Detective Kathleen "Kat" O'Hara, Captain, Jacob, Doctor Catalina Tregarde, and all other characters mentioned within are © & TM Pirate Turner and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
He had searched for her throughout the city, kept his eyes peeled through every mission and every trip, searched every face in every shop and apartment building, but yet the place he found her at long last was the last place he would have never thought to look. She was kneeling on the side of the road, her black car parked several yards behind her with its lights still on. His first thought, as he slammed on his brakes, was that she had been hurt, but then, even as he all but snatched his car to the side of the road, he reminded himself how ridiculous a notion that was. If she was what he suspected, very little could harm her, if anything. She was a most formidable woman; formidable, strong, dangerous, and breath-takingly beautiful, he thought the last as he noticed how the golden rays of the early morning sun shone upon her fiery red hair until it almost seemed to spin into a glorious life of its own.
His eyes strayed from her hair to the three small fires that burned just in front of her. His forehead creased, he wondered if her anger could have at last cost her and hoped it had not. He flung open his door and barely glanced for traffic before walking swiftly toward her. She was chanting softly in a foreign language he did not recognize but silenced as soon as he began to approach her. She raised her head, and he was shocked to see tears shimmering in her emerald eyes as she looked him. "I did nae kill 'em."
"I didn't say you did," he countered, his pace slowing as he eyed her warily. He wondered, for the first time, if she might be telepathic.
"They were . . . here on the pathway this mornin'." She shouldn't have broken down like this, she reprimanded herself angrily, not out in the open where any one or anything could see her weakness. Nae, she corrected herself, showing passion, even with tears, for animals was never a weakness; that was one of the most important lessons her beloved grandfather had taught her. Still, for this ignorant, little cábúnach to have caught her crying . . .
"The pathway?" Ace questioned, breaking into her thoughts with one raised eyebrow.
She nodded as a part of her wondered why she was even bothering to talk to this human. She had no need to explain herself to any one now that the only humans she'd ever cared for were dead. "I drive th' roads e'ery morn'. This family was . . . They became . . . " It shouldn't be this hard to talk, to concentrate pass the thought of a family of three being slaughtered, yet her eyes kept drifting back to their makeshift funeral pyres and her mind continued to run in circles. She snarled suddenly, her emerald eyes flashing, and he gulped nervously as he saw flames dancing therein. "I should've been here. I should've killed th' bloody . . . "
She stopped suddenly, and her fierce gaze rose to him. Ace felt as though, with but a gaze, she simultaneously stripped him and burned straight through his skin. He paled, gulped again, and tried to speak, but no words would come to his frightened tongue.
"Why th' Hell am I talkin' tae ye? I din't owe ye or any one any explanation." Her fire burned within her eyes.
"I . . . hum . . . I . . . I stopped to . . . to . . . "
"Tae what?" she countered. "Tae help? Th' day I need a human's help," she snarled, her upper lip curling in emotions that he could not determine whether they were stronger in anger or disgust, "is th' day I send me own self tae the grave. Get outta here 'fore'n I light up yer life."
"You already did that," he blustered.
Her eyes flashed, and a chill raced through him. "I have nae yet, but I could very easily." A fireball formed in the palm of her hand, and she tossed it up and down. "Din't push yer luck, Ventura. Jest because ye have some animals an' Tregarde fooled din't mean ye've got me fooled. Ye're just another damn human, an' I haven't fired yer ass yet fer their honor, but ye keep pushin' yer luck, ye'll end up nothin' but soot."
Ace felt his heart dropping pass his shoes. He wanted to argue with her, but his eyes were glued to her fireball. She was exactly the fiery bitch he had expected, and the thought of what she could do to him scared him more than anything else he'd ever faced before. "O-o-o-o-o-o-o-okaaaaaay," he ground out slowly. He backed up then, never taking his eyes from her, and returned to his car, but before he could shut his door, his tongue got the better of him. "Remind me not to screw with crazy bitches before they've had their morning coffee, Spike."
Kat raised her fireball, but Captain's frantic mew as he raced from the open car window to her side and the sight of the monkey chattering madly on the back of Ace's seat caused her to vanish the fireball. She sighed and kicked herself as she let him speed away. She'd have to kill him now that she'd slipped up and told him her secret, but she couldn't do it as long as it risked the life of even one animal. "Bloody bastard," she hissed.
Ace's mind whirled fearfully at first, but though his brain soon calmed, his heart continued to pound within his thin chest. Four had fallen, he reflected sadly. Three had been killed on the blood-thirsty highway by careless, heartless humans, but one had fallen victim to something that might well prove to be even more dangerous. That one was him.
"You've gotta stay away from her, Ventura," he told himself sternly, but even as Spike, his constant companion, chattered his firm agreement, he thought with a mixture of dread and excitement, that that probably wasn't going to be possible. After all, the world might be big, but it wasn't big enough for two Pet Detectives to keep from bumping into each other.
He could only hope he'd continue to survive their encounters, but as he drove away, he couldn't help leaving a tiny piece of his heart with the redheaded lass who was anything but a damsel in distress. The vision of her emerald green eyes clouded with tears haunted him, and his fingers curled tightly around his steering wheel as he longed to be able to wipe those tears away. He sighed deeply with regret, knowing that the proud, brave, and beautiful woman would probably never let him but aching to nonetheless.
The End
Title: "Full Moon Rising"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: PG
Summary:
Warnings: Het
Disclaimer: Ace Ventura and Spike are © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Detective Kathleen "Kat" O'Hara, Captain, Doctor Catalina Tregarde, and all other characters mentioned within are © & TM Pirate Turner and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Ace's head was hanging out the window when he pulled into the lane turning into the little gas station. He was about to turn in when the vehicles in the lot suddenly started flying out. "Damn humans," Ace muttered underneath his breath. "Never watch where they're going. Good way to kill somebody."
He sat still in the turning lane as vehicle after vehicle sped by. Some of the drivers blew their horns and others shouted words that he could not make out for the pounding headache makers they called music. Finally, in exasperation, Ace gave Spike the wheel and hefted himself up into the driver's seat. Turning his back to the window, he dropped his striped pants and let them all know exactly what he thought of them.
When at long last the lot was empty save two stationary cars, Ace pulled his pants up, zipped, refastened his belt, and sat back down. His hands grasped the wheel, but Spike chattered at him. The monkey told him, in no uncertain terms, that Ace had had his fun and it was his turn. Let him spook whatever human idiots remained in the lot. Besides, Ace had been driving for hours. When was he going to give him a turn?
With a shrug, Ace laid back in the seat and only worked the pedals as Spike drove their battered car into the parking lot. Ace waited a few moments, but no pointing, screaming, or hollering humans appeared. When Spike spoke up in disappointment, he lovingly ruffled the fur on top of his head and told him, "That's all right, boy. You'll get 'em next time."
As he straightened up and his head became level with the open windows once more, a scent caught his nose. He sniffed and then sniffed some more. His mouth watered. His hands itched for play. "Somebody's playing," he declared in his trademark slow, dramatic, and mischievous way, "with catnip!" His eyes bugged as he popped the door open, slipped to the edge of the car, and stood up, still sniffing the air frantically.
Who would be playing with catnip here? Was there a cat somewhere who needed help? But they couldn't possibly need too much help if they had catnip. Surely this wasn't one of those rare locations where catnip grew wild?
A sudden bark caused Ace to stick his head back into the car. "Yes?" he asked, looking at the Great Dane in his backseat. "What is it?"
They exchanged a few barks, and Ace looked to the car parked in the next parking space. "My, oh, my, it is!" he exclaimed, a dangerous light coming on in his brown eyes. "It is a tiger!"
Who would have a tiger here? he wondered as he jumped out of his car, leaving the door hanging wide open. Had the innocent animal been trapped overseas and brought here to be the pet of some rich snob to make them look cool, or were they indentured to another, far worse kind of slavery?
But as Ace drew nearer to the tiger, he realized two things. One, the big cat was smiling and, though his eyes were partially glazed, he either was not in any danger or did not recognize the present danger. Two, the delightfully intoxicating scent of catnip was coming from the sleek, black machine the tiger rode in, a vehicle, Ace was quickly realizing as he examined it more closely, the likes of which he'd never seen before.
He could see other animals in the car now, as well. A parakeet and parrot were dancing in the rear view window, fluffing out their feathers and showing off their best maneuvers. A raccoon had draped his tail through one of the hand holds and was swinging from his tail, his velvet, black paws reaching through the air for nothing in particular. Something green with a shell swam in a bucket of water behind the passenger seat; Ace hoped it was only a turtle. A couple of squirrels and a chipmunk were busy digging into an ashtray container, pulling out nuts, and stuffing their little mouths full. A golden Labrador lay curled in the back seat, appearing to somehow sleep through the raucous all the other animals were making.
Ace had almost reached the tiger when a gnashing mouth of sharp, glistening teeth flew at him. He jumped back, more out of surprise than fear. He heard a voice calm the dog, who he could see was a poodle as he settled down, and his eyebrows shot up. He smiled. Of course, only one other besides himself would have such a menagerie!
"Hi there, friend," he greeted the tiger, choosing to ignore the car's driver for the moment. He let the great cat sniff his hand before stroking his head. The tiger bumped his head against Ace's hand, immediately seeking more of his gentle touch.
"What di ye want, Ventura?"
Ace looked up and into the emerald eyes reflected in the side mirror. They seemed to glow with a fury that he met with a huge grin. "Ah, Kat! Beautiful, wicked Kat!"
"I'm nae giin' tae ask ye again, Ventura. Tell me quick 'fore'n I lose me patience."
{Patience? What patience?} Ace thought, but he bravely met the surly tone with his most charming smile. "Is this a private party or can any one join?"
"Who said it 'twas a party?" she growled, and he knew immediately he'd chosen the wrong line.
A puff of smoke exhaled from the car, and Ace felt a stab of disappointment. "You smoke?"
"Ye t'ink I need tae ask yer permission, boyo?"
Ace grimaced. He was coming close to working up the wrong kind of fire out of the beautiful redhead.
"No, I . . . " He inched closer to the tiger, knowing she'd never throw fire at him if he was close to an animal. "I . . . hum . . . "
"Spit it out," she hissed, her eyes flashing.
"I just didn't think you'd do anything that's bad for the Environment, that's all."
She smirked around the cigar he could now see in her mouth. "'Tis isn't." She paused a brief moment before adding, "Nae that I need tae explain meself tae ye." So why was she? she wondered. Why didn't she just pull out of here with such speed that he was sent sprawling back on his rear end? She might crunch his feet underneath her tires. The thought should have brought a grin; it didn't.
"How can it not be bad for you -- " he coughed quickly, knowing that was the wrong direction to take " -- for the animals? Second hand smoke kills."
Kat drilled her fingernails against the car door, and Ace gulped as he looked down and saw tiny sparks coming off of them. Quickly, he tried to change the subject. "I smell catnip."
"'Course ye di," she growled from around the cigar.
Ace peered into the front seat in search of the nip. Several felines were rolling the dark substance in the passenger seat. Even her Captain, who he knew was the head of her animals just as Spike was his own leader, seemed rather lightheaded as he swayed back and forth on top of the seat.
Kat reached up and pulled him down into her lap with gentle hands. "Easy, laddie," she spoke, and Ace couldn't help noticing the difference in her tone. When she spoke to him, she always sounded angry, fierce, ready and beyond willing to smite the world, but now, as she spoke to Captain, her voice was low, soft, and remarkably close to a purr. Her words shot straight to him, and Ace wished she'd speak to him like that just once as warmth filled his loins. She was a beautiful woman, strong, smart, and obviously so loving, so why couldn't she share just a bit of that love with him? Why did she have to look at him like she did every other human . . . and hate him just as viciously?
Smoke exited the car again, and Ace leaned in to give it a testing sniff. "You're smoking catnip!" he exclaimed, and an abrupt bark of laughter greeted his ears. He smiled down at her from where he now stood just slightly behind her window, his hands still stroking the tiger as her own did the tabby tomcat in her lap.
"I have tae give it tae ye, Ventura," she remarked, her tone finally losing some of her anger. "Ye're smarter'n ye look."
"Thank you, ma'am," he said with a flourishing bow. With one arm still tucked underneath his bowed body, Ace looked hopefully up. "Can I have one?" Questions flew through his mind, as he found they often did when he was confronted with this remarkable woman, but he dared not speak any of them for he knew she'd never give up her secrets.
"Why should I waste a cigar on ye?" Kat asked, her lips twisting into a sarcastic smile around her blunt.
"Because I rescue animals too." It was the first thing he could think of and the only thing, he knew, that stood any chance of making her like him even just a tiny bit.
"So ye say," she retorted, clearly unimpressed.
"And so does Doctor Tregarde," he reminded her.
"Aye, or at least, ye have 'er fooled."
"She rescues too. I know you know that," he asked, "so why can't you believe that there's another person out here fighting to save them?"
Kat finally turned to look up with a quirked brow. Ace gulped and prayed she wouldn't fireball him. "Ye've got th' wrong thing swingin' between yer legs tae . . . "
"You've never known a good man?"
She paused, mouth still open to condemn him.
"You've never known of another man who loves animals, who would sacrifice his life to save them?" His fingers curled around the top of her car door, and for a moment, Kat's eyes seemed distant, as though she were a million miles away from the one spot they currently shared.
He reached inside the car. "You've never known of a man who could . . . "
Her hands trembled as she suddenly cranked the car. Her eyes were hard again when she looked up, but something seemed to lurk just behind them. Ace fervently wished he could somehow learn what that something was even as she snapped, "We've got tae gi." His hand was still on her door as she started to pull out.
Believing she'd not hesitate in running over his feet, Ace reluctantly pulled back and watched her exit. She paused once she was out of the parking space and looked back at him. Her eyes still did not seem as hard or as fierce as they normally did, and Ace wished she'd let him in. He could prove to her that a man could be good. He could show her that a man could love not only animals but her, as well, and spend every waking moment of his life striving to protect them all. He could love her. He knew he could.
"Ventura?"
His head snapped up at the sound of his name. "Yes?" he asked, the word a mere breath, and he kicked himself mentally for showing any sign of the emotions that were rolling within him, any sign of anything she'd take to be a weakness.
She threw something at him. He caught it nimbly but did not look at it. He couldn't seem to be able to pull his eyes away from her emerald orbs, but then she turned away from him, as he reminded himself she probably always would, and peeled out. He watched her go, feeling utterly helpless, a feeling he hated more than anything else.
Gradually, Spike's chattering called to him, and Ace looked down to see what he held. He grinned at the sight of the blunt and twirled it triumphantly around in his fingers. Maybe she did like him a little bit, after all! He gave his victory cry as he returned to his car but then quickly remembered he had no lighter and, with a sigh, trudged on into the convenience store.
The End
Title: "Where Love Never Ends"
Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: R
Summary:
Warnings: Het
Word Count (excluding header): 1,538
Disclaimer: Ace Ventura and Spike are © & TM their respective owners, not the author, and are used without permission. Detective Kathleen "Kat" O'Hara, Captain, Doctor Catalina Tregarde, and all other characters mentioned within are © & TM Pirate Turner and may not be used without permission. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
She was stalking the streets, listening for the slightest sound of danger, her whole body on full alert, when she rounded the corner and came face to face with him. "What are ye diin' here?" she demanded, her emerald eyes flashing.
"What's it look like?" he countered, just as surprised as she was. "Spike and I are out for a stroll."
"Capt'n an' I tae."
"I keep meaning to ask you, why do you call the cat Captain?"
The cat in question lifted his head from the redhead's shoulder and zeroed his unwavering, unblinking attention on to the Pet Detective. "Because it is the cat's name." His voice edged on a snarl. He hated it when humans thought that the cats they talked about could no more hear them than they could answer them. Ace's double take brought a small, quiet purr from the old tabby.
"I forgot he could do that," Ace murmured sheepishly, still blushing.
"Forget it again," Kat snarled and started to walk pass him.
Ace walked backwards, keeping the beautiful redhead in full sight. "I'd think a beautiful babe like you would have something better to do on Halloween night than walking."
Kat snarled first at Ace and then at a bunch of kids who ran by in colorful costumes, shouting at the top of their lungs. Ace glowered after the noisy children, as well, but quickly returned his attention to the Irish woman who seemed to captivate so much of his thoughts lately. "So what are you doing walking the roads?"
"Lookin' fer trouble," she growled.
"You mean you actually have to look for it?" Ace questioned, eyes wide in amazement. "It always finds me!"
"Stick around," she growled. "More'll find ye."
"Thanks for the invitation," he said, bouncing into step beside her and grinning.
"It 'twas nae an invitation," she hissed, green eyes wide and pupils narrowed in disbelieving anger at his foolishery.
"Then what was it?" Ace skipped beside her.
Kat whirled on him, her emerald eyes flashing so dangerously that they almost seemed to glow in the dark night. "It 'twas a warning, ye bloody -- "
She forgot what she was saying suddenly, forgot all else but the sudden mewling cry that drowned out all her other thoughts. She whirled as the sound of clanging cans, hurried footsteps, and a crying feline suddenly came rushing up at the small group from out of a dark alley way. The black feline, who could not possibly have been more than six months old, was first out of the alley. Ace dropped to his knees as the kitten shot pass Kat and grabbed the frightened baby. His cooing voice and gentle hands slowly began to calm the kitten, but Kat ignored them except for only the swiftest glance to make certain the kitten was not lost for his pursuers were hot on his tiny heels.
When the three, skinny teenage boys rounded the corner, they stopped in shock. A brunette man in Bahamas clothing knelt, hugging the kitten, while a monkey jumped up and down beside his scrawny knees, shaking a fist and chattering angrily at them. But it was the redhead in the lead who filled them with dread with but just one look. Deadly power seemed to roll off of her in waves as the night wind whipped at her long, fiery hair. Her emerald eyes were glowing like a cat's, and she hissed at them at the same time the tabby cat now perched atop her shoulder hissed.
Gaelic words spat out of Kat's mouth as she raised two glowing hands, with their fingers curled in the boys' direction, and let rip. Fireballs blasted into each boy's stomachs and exploded throughout them. It was only after their ashes were raining down that Kat heard Ace's shout.
She turned, her anger beginning to fade from her eyes and be replaced by another emotion she refused to name. He was a helper and rescuer of animals. She could no longer deny that after her many conversations with Catalina, their continued run-ins, and now the way he cradled the whimpering kitten to his thin chest and ever so gently worked with Spike to untie the cans from around the kitten's paws and tail.
Kat sighed. It didn't matter what Ace was, or why the fool was still grinning even now. What did matter was that he was now a witness to her taking the lives of those who would prey upon the only true innocents that still lived in their world. His discovery that she could form fireballs and her threats were one thing, but this could not be ignored or overlooked. As always, she had to do what she had to do. "'Tis a shame ye had tae see that, boyo."
Ace's huge smile vanished at the tone of Kat's voice and the regret and determination that shone in her eyes. "W-Wh -- " He swallowed hard, licked his lips, and tried again. "Why?" he managed to squeak out.
"Because," Kat spoke slowly as her fingertips began to glow, "ye saw too much."
"I already knew," he told her, and her jaw slackened and eyes widened in surprise.
"What di ye mean ye already knew?" Her heartbeat quickened. How could he have known, for certain, that she was a killer? Many people made idle threats against another when angered. Had he known all this time?! Who had he told?
"Well, I didn't know exactly that you were killing them, but I had a pretty good idea, especially after you threatened me that time, but it turns out I'm right." He looked up at her, his amazement shining clearly on his face. "That was wonderful how you took care of them! They'll never hurt anybody ever again, and they got what they deserved!"
"W-Wonderful?" Kat stammered in surprise. Her mouth hung partially open.
Ace nodded slowly and, carefully holding the kitten protectively to his body, got to his feet. It was his turn to sigh heavily. "I was afraid this day would come." He lifted his chin to look her in the eyes. "Do it if you really think you have to, but know this. I think it's amazing what you're doing! I wish I could fry the assholes!"
Kat's mouth literally dropped open, and Ace grinned and stepped closer. "You," he continued, "are the most beautiful, amazing, angriest, deadliest woman I've ever met, and you've got to have the biggest heart even though I can't seem to work my way into it! You amaze me, Kat!" His eyes spoke the truth of his words, shining with complete and utter adoration, and Kat suddenly found it extremely hard to breathe.
"I've spent my entire life working to save the animals, doing what little I could to help every one of them I've met, and dreaming that one day I might meet somebody who has the same dream of protecting all of them that I do, but I'd come to think I'd never get lucky enough to meet a person like that, let alone a woman. Everything you do rocks my world, Kat!"
The entire time he had been talking, Ace had been moving closer to Kat until he now stood directly in front of her, his mouth angled above hers only a fraction of an inch away. Everything he'd said sounded so much like herself and like words she'd dreamed once, a long time ago, to hear coming from a handsome, good man that his voice had held her riveted. His sudden use of slang, however, brought her screeching back to reality. She blinked several times, fighting to shake off the surprise, then looked at his angling, pursed lips with eyes round and wide with shock.
Pulling herself together and knowing the kitten was in good hands, Kat exclaimed, "Keep dreamin'!", turned away, and broke into a run.
"Wait!" Ace called, but the trick or treaters were coming again. The children knocked into him, sending him spinning. Spike screeched and leapt to his shoulder just before they could stampede over him. Ace lost count of how many kids hit him, but when at last they were gone and he recovered whilst clinging to a lamp post, he realized that, just as he'd dreaded, Spike and he were alone again save for their kitten friend.
Slowly releasing the post, he stroked the kitten's matted fur reassuringly. "It's all right, little guy. You're with friends now, and we'll never let anybody hurt you again."
But he himself was hurting, though he refused to admit it. He'd dreamed of wooing Kat, run the words over and over again through his mind before actually using them on her. Where had he gone wrong? Spike chittered and rubbed Ace's neck reassuringly. Oh, well, there would be a next time, Ventura told himself determinedly. He and Kat had bumped into each other so many times now that they must be written in the stars.
Spike chattered again, rubbing against Ace's head, and Ace answered him. "Yeah, Happy Halloween to you too." He then grinned down at the kitten. "And Happy Halloween to you, baby." He felt like he'd gotten tricked, but he would give the kitten the best treat he was capable of providing: a home where the love never ran low.
The End