In the Space Between

[katleept]

Title: In the Space Between
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: Angel
Character/Pairing: Angel/Cordelia
Rating: PG/K+
Challenge/Prompt: 1_million_words August Rush Days 16 - 20
Warning(s): Cannon Character Death
Word Count: 899
Date Written: 30 August 2016
Summary:
Disclaimer: All characters within belong to Whedon, not the author, and are used without permission.





"Cordy," he gasps her name in surprise, "how are you here?"

"It's just a dream, Angel," she says, but she's not yet certain to whom it belongs. She doesn't know if this is his dream or hers, but in the dream, she's bold enough to finally reach up and touch him with love. Her hand caresses his palm.

He leans into her tender touch, his own hand covering hers. "It has to be a dream," he whispers, his eyes closing only part way because he dares not lose sight of her. If he closes his eyes, even if this is a dream, he fears she might disappear entirely. "You'd never touch me like this if it wasn't."

"Why do you say that?" she asks, whispering though there's no need. She steps closer.

"Because you never chose me," he wants to cry as he answers her. "It was always Groo or Harris or even my son. It was never me. I could never make you happy."

"Oh, no, Angel," she whispers, shaking her head. Tears spring into her hazel eyes that are no longer so bright, vivid, and full of hope for them both as they once were. "You never did understand, did you? I lived a lie. It was always you, dumb ass! I wanted you from the very first time I saw you in Sunnydale, and my desire for you only grew. My love for you only grew, but I knew I could never be enough. I could never make you happy -- "

"You would have," he says and then shudders against her palm, "but we both know what would have happened next."

"Angelus would have come out. Willow kept claiming she was trying to find a way to undo your curse, but the little Witch never did. I always thought she would for Buffy, not for me."

"But I didn't love Buffy."

Her smile twists into a smirk. "You fooled the world on that one," she tells him.

This time, it's his turn to shake his head. "It was always you," he vows, touching his forehead against hers. "I only thought I loved the Slayer. She has that way with Vampires, in case you didn't figure it out from what she did to Spike. But you're the one I really loved, Cordy. I just couldn't act on it, because Angelus was always there. He was always in the back of my mind, whispering all the things he'd do to you if I ever freed him."

"We all have our doubts," she tells him. "We all have our darkness, our inner Demons looking to get out. You had to put me down."

"It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it wasn't you. It was just your body. But Angelus is real. He's a part of me."

"Everybody has some evil in them, Angel."

"Not like him. The things he would have done to you, the things he wanted to do to you -- " He shudders again, and she strokes his cheek, trying to comfort him but knowing, too, that they couldn't have stopped Angelus from being released if they had ever acted on their love. That's why, even after Connor was born and she began to dare to think he might actually love her, she still hadn't dared to tell him for so long until it was all too late.

"He's always been a big monster inside of me, but he's not a different part from me. He is me. He's inside me always, and he was always gnashing his teeth, just waiting to get to sink them into your neck -- "

"And now, Angel?" she interrupts him, because she doesn't want to hear any more talk of Angelus or what could have been. What could have been no longer matters. It's only exactly: what could have been. Any chances they had in reality of being happy together, of acting on their love, or ultimately setting Angelus free are all past them now. They're all over. All they have left are these few moments in their dreams, and suddenly she understands they are both dreaming. It's a painful realization, but she isn't going to sacrifice what little they have left. "We're only dreaming," she tells him. "There's no Angelus here."

"Are you sure?" he asks, his dark eyes flitting around their dreamscape.

"I'm sure," she answers without hesitation. "He's not here. She's not here. It's only us." Her eyes search his for affirmation as she breathes, "And I love you! I always have!"

He takes her beautiful face into his hands and gazes directly into her eyes. They look so dull and lifeless now, but that doesn't stop him or even make him hesitate as he vows in return, "I've always loved you!" He touches his lips to hers and finally drinks of her love.

And out in the space between reality and Heaven, between here and now, between living and gone, where she still waits, still floating and whispering his name over and over again through the cosmos, Cordelia smiles at last. Her face becomes a bright glow of happiness as she fills his love, and back on Earth, Angel, too, smiles. But, too, soon, he awakens to find it again only a dream. He screams, but there's no one left to hear him. There never is to hear his screams or her cries in the space between realms.

The End

Comments

[feliciacraft.livejournal.com]

*sniffles* I'm glad you gave Angel and Cordy a way to finally connect. They deserve a little happiness, even if it's not entirely real. Thank you!