#$%^&*(

[katleept]

It's been one %^&*%^%^&^& of a week this week! Work is getting worse, and if I have to listen to another idiot cussing me out and stand there and take it, I'm bound to rip their freaking throats out with my bare hands. We found out a family friend has died. Our doctor, also family friends who's saved most of my human family's lives at one point or another although his brain isn't what it should still be, has been forced into retirement due to his health, leaving us to have to drive an hour and a half one way tomorrow to get the medical treatment we need -- on, if we're lucky, about five or six hours of sleep.

I WISH to Gods that was all I had to bitch about it. Some of you are going to need a bit of a back story:

RIP Kita
RIP Archimedes
RIP Way Too Many Darling Babies For Any One To Ever Have To Lose

Things got better for a while. We ended up letting them out again. They've been going out for months now. We thought we knew who it was and they were in the clear. Our next door neighbors did turn out to be decent people, who actually attacked, verbally, another neighbor who they thought had committed the heartless murders only to find out that the old lady was innocent.

We screwed up. We let them out. Everything's been fine for many months now, like half a year almost. And now it's happening again. Our poor baby Fonzie went missing Sunday. We found him, weak and constipated but otherwise okay. We watched over him carefully, gave him some diarrhea medicine, kept him inside and the other kids too. Tuesday, he seemed to be doing better. He passed a small bit of feces. He was eating; he was active. We let everybody out. Then today he was worse. Vets still don't know what the Hell's wrong any more than they did last year with all the others we lost except that he's suffering kidney failure. Now, tonight, he's bleeding from the mouth and eyes, and anybody who knows furbabies knows what that means. It's just a bloody matter of time.

I am so tired of this crap. I'm trying hard not to cry again as I write this, and I don't usually let people except for my beloved Jack know when I'm crying. But I am so tired of this! Our darlings are never getting out again, and they are so going to hate that! We need to get the fuck out of this place, and I just don't know how to pull it off!

Part of me just feels like balling up and crying for the rest of the night. Then there's the part that just wants to go berserk and just rip out the throat of every human I can get my hands on except for those I consider "mine". I'm ready to go live in the woods out of the back of the van, but that's no life for any of us! But this isn't either!

The Christians and Mayans talk/talked about 2012 being the end of the world. I don't think it is. But sometimes I wonder if this blasted year won't prove to be the end of our world. I'm so tired of this. So tired of being a rock. But I wanted to let those of you close to me know what the Hell's going on should I disappear again and why I'm not answering some of your letters right now. I just haven't the heart or the mindset to be able to string together a proper answer.

I want to kill something. I want to go a thousand miles an hour in the van until I blast into a brick wall or a transfer truck and everything shatters. A part of me wants to die. And I know. I know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that poor Fonzie, our poor, beloved, sweet Fonzie, husband to Tiger, father of our kittens, won't be hear in the morning. I can't type any more right now. Probably shouldn't send this. But I need to vent.

Comments

[orlidepp.livejournal.com]

Thank you, all, for your good thoughts, wishes, and prayers during this hard time. We've lost two of our sweet, beloved boys, Fonzie and Midnight, to this horror but hopefully we now know what it is and will lose no others to it.

[spookycatwoman.livejournal.com]

Damn. I'm hurting for you, buddy. I'm praying Fonzie pulls through this and that you and all your babies are okay. Wish I could do something to help. I've been scouring the newspapers here but haven't found a place yet for you guys. Let you know the moment I find something. Gods bless!