katleept | Entries tagged with real life sucks

Title: Maybe Then
Author: Kat Lee
Fandom: Original
Rating: PG-13/T
Challenge/Prompt:

fan_flashworks 189: Amnesty and 33: The Other Side
Warning(s): Talk of Suicide
Word Count: 790
Date Written: 29 April 2017
Summary: ( I'm waiting. )

And now we add Erin Moran to the ever-lengthening list. :(

Another heartbreak,
Another loved one lost,
Another baby gone,
Another case where the vets have no fucking answers.

I'm done with God and all,
But I'll never turn my back on y'all.
I'll be here as I can.
You're always in my heart,
Even if prayers no longer work.
Inspiration just buggers
As life, too, buggers.

( I know! Finally, right? )

I know not every one can afford to help, but I know, too, that if it hadn't been for others when we lost Daddy, we would've been screwed....

Originally posted by

stir_of_echoes at I Can't Believe I'm Doing This Again.

I feel like Oliver holding out his bowl and asking “Please sir, can I have some more?”

I feel so ashamed I can’t do this for him without asking for help, once again. I loathe going cap in hand but much like Ian, Taz had no savings or life insurance, which means we’re back to the same situation we were a couple of weeks ago. Much like Ian, he was in the process of turning his life around, and becoming a better person, and he was succeeding to.

I feel it’s only fair I be honest. He was no choir boy, far from it. We fell out when he went back to the drugs, getting himself involved with a rough, and violent crowd, which saw him pick up a prison sentence, and not his first. He began dealing to earn his next fix, just one of the many minions the big boys used to peddle their crap. He was weak, and easily used, so desperate for the drugs he’d do anything.

I’ve lost count of the amount of beatings he took, at the amount of punishment he dealt out all so he could feed his habit. He lost everything. His family, his friends and his freedom.

It was a heavy price to pay for his actions, but he paid them, and I’d like to believe whatever sins he committed were wiped clean when he died.

I’m ashamed to say I ignored all his letters begging for forgiveness, disbelieving that he was clean, and no longer on drugs. But he the truth was he’d shed the past and was working hard to be someone else, someone deserving of love.

He was drug free and helping others become the same.

He was telling the truth and I didn’t believe him until recently when I saw how well and healthy he looked. I’m a firm believer that no one runs out of chances to make amends. To give someone the chance to mend fences and become a better person.

It hurts so much that just as he was winning the fight, he was taken away.

The last thing he said to me was, “I love you.” He gave me a huge hug, something I will cherish to my dying day.

We’re unsure as to the cause of death. He had a Pulmonary Embolism a month ago, but we won’t know until the autopsy whether that played a part in his death.

I just wish I’d believed him sooner :’( and I pray that Ian’s death didn’t push him over the edge.

I know a lot of people will believe he got what he deserved, and if you do, then I get it. Some of our family feel that way, and refused their forgiveness, and I don’t blame them. To some he’s just a thug who got his just deserts. But if you believe that people deserve a second chance and can find it in your heart to give a small donation toward his funeral. I’m not sure I can fic at the moment, but if you’d like a gif set, or your favourite movie uploading, if not available, then I will keep an eye out for it or if there’s something else I can offer?

My paypal is jules_smith6@hotmail.co.uk

If you’d like to maybe add a link to my post then I would be forever grateful.

If there’s anything else I can do in return, please let me know

( She's doing better, but we're not out of the woods yet. )

Drew's got another hole in her foot! :'( Her foot was swelled to, like, six times the size it should be when I got home yesterday. She went to the doctor right after managing to struggle through last night's shift. The hole was underneath the callous on the bottom of her foot, a situation we've been working with for a while and only recently realized (like last week and then couldn't get a Podiatry appointment) was getting worse. She's on two new meds for it starting today, and the local VA doctor got her a Podiatry appointment at 10:30 in the morning (whereas we couldn't get one until April when we called). And yes, this is the same foot where she already lost half her big toe.

Prayers please..............

So had a kinda rough day the other day (not as bad as some of them have been in the past, don't worry) and found myself wondering, on the drive home, if we're not all children at heart just waiting to die so we can be reunited with those we love who have moved on. I had about decided to post this thought when I got home, but by the time I actually got online, I moved away from it and didn't want to revisit the depression.

But since then, I've come across a quote (that came in my Daily Ray of Hope, no less) and a line of Scripture posted with a lovely CLex story that made me reconsider that thought.

"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart for so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time."

~ A.A. Milne (Yes, that's the author of Winnie the Pooh, giving further credit to those of us who revisit that time and give the characters darker stories.)

"And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive"

- Ecclesiastes 4:2

Love y'all, my friends. Y'all keep me going sometimes even when I don't say something. HUGS to you all!

I seem to stay that way lately. I'm about ready to make my New Year's Resolution be that I will stay on top of things online. LOL Like that's ever gonna happen. ;)

First it was the moodiness of the season, then the business of the season, then the infected hand, and now I'm trying, and failing, to fight off some kind of virus or cold that's determined to kick my butt and is already doing a pretty good job of kicking my head.

But I am caught up on LJ. I saw all that craziness about LJ going Russian and several friends going to DW, so I may end up finally actually considering that. But when I went over there this morning, it looks like it's mostly full of dead comms too sadly. Regardless, I'm not making any decisions when I feel like this.

I've also been having E-mail frustrations. I seem to have kept most of the mail from December on to now, but if you've been waiting for a response from me on something pre-December, you might want to holler at me again. At least I think I finally found an E-mail client that's going to work better for me now.

And a belated very happy New Year's to you all!! May 2017 kick the shitt out of 2016!!

And remember, have your catnip and eggnog too! Love you guys!

I was SUPPOSED to have a five hour shift today. Plan was come home, do around, go to bed, rest, get up early early in the morning in order to get some writing time FINALLY. Five hours turned into bloody freaking near thirteen hours. :(

Guys, I'm about at the end of my rope here. We just found out yesterday that one of our last remaining relatives, a wonderful and kind woman, had a heart attack the night before. It came on fast and sudden, almost no warning at all. She was taking care of my Uncle James, and it happened so fast that even though they lived together, he still couldn't make it to her in time to be with her when she passed. I know she's happy now. She was a good woman, beloved by all. I honestly don't think she had a single enemy, and she'd lost many. She's the one I believe I'll end up being like, the one who buried her husband, her parents, all her sisters and brothers, and all her children. Now she's with them, so I know she's happy.

But I'll damned if I am or we are. I just . . . I almost don't even know what to do any more, y'all. But at least the writing still seems to help. It did this morning.

*HUGS* Hope y'all are all doing better than us!

So this wasn't a post I'd wanted to have to make, simply because I didn't want it to happen, but of course, we knew his mortal shell was merely that -- a mortal shell, even if it was an incredibly sensual one.

This also isn't how or when I wanted to make this post, but I've been one sick kitty lately and I figure it's better late than never, especially as I can't let our King's passing go unrecognized.

David was loved by many of us and will continue to be so. Jareth was my first in many ways and will always remain one of my favorite characters with a very special place in my heart. <3

For some strange reason, I always thought David and my Dad would go about the same time, just that David would go first as a kind of final warning to get things straight with Dad. I lost Dad at the end of September; now, we've lost David.

The world will never be the same. I can hear the Goblins crying now.

He truly had it all, and we were blessed to get to share the pieces of his life that he shared with us. Many of us fan girls would never be the same without his wonderful Jareth.

But now, we must wait until get to see him again. We must wait, like he waited for Iman, until we get to be with him again -- or, for some of us, for the first time. It's going to seem like forever for a lot of us, but forever is not long at all. Eternity's the Magic Dance we're waiting for, however, when we'll get to be with David, our parents, and all the others who have gone on before us -- and that's the Magic Dance worth waiting forever. <3

Rest In Peace, Our King, and keep believing.

Dad passed yesterday just before 6:30pm. He'd been fighting a sepsis infection in his blood stream and kidneys since falling out of his nursing home bed Saturday and accidentally ripping out his catheter. Your prayers and love are much needed and appreciated at this time.

♥ LOVE MEME ♥

full meme | my thread

A love meme started in honor, in a way, of the Supernatural boys, especially Jared who's having a hard time with his depression right now. Too many of us know too well what that's like. I'm not going to name any names, but you know who you are and you know I love each and every one of you and would throw my arms around you a tight hug if I could.

We've lost too many because of depression. I'm reminded of Robin and Owen especially right now. Thank God Owen had his brothers to pull him through his tough time. I'm hoping Jensen and the rest can do the same for Jared now.

( Update )